3 Ways to Be a Father and a Friend to Your Child

Being a father and a friend may be a foreign concept to us. If you are a father, it is only right that you educate and guide your child . But being a friend? That certainly feels unfamiliar, considering the distance between parents and children in our culture.

However, being a father and a friend is a role worth learning. The main reason is that a child’s needs are met, both physical and emotional, so their character can also develop better. As a result, children will grow up healthy, and the relationship between you and your child becomes stronger.

Up to this point, you may still be wondering. What does it look like in practice?

Personal Experience of Being a Father and a Friend to My Child

I myself have already experienced the benefits of being a father and a friend to a child. Here is the story.

As a father, I am responsible for my child’s needs. I must work hard so that all his needs are met, such as food, clothing, shelter, and education. The whole responsibility to make sure everything is provided rests on my shoulders.

After meeting physical needs, I also need to ensure my child grows according to the word of God. The goal is that when he grows up, he will live according to the teachings and standards found in the Bible. This is followed by the instruction I give so that the child lives out those values and morals.

However, up to this point, I had only been acting as a father who provides and teaches. On the other hand, my child also needs to be close to and know his father. To meet that need, I need to make time, listen to him, and understand what he wants. In short, become his friend.

That is why I make time to play with my child. Actually, it is hard for me to play, because I am tired after working, and I do not really like playing. But I realize that I must not be selfish. So I deny myself and play with him.

As a result, he always asks me to play. My relationship with my child has been built up. Whenever I come home, he will definitely say, “Come on, Dad, let’s play.” From the time he was 3 years old until now at 8, he always asks me. Playing with my child really builds our relationship.

Besides playing, I also often pray with my child. Sometimes, I also share my feelings and thoughts with him. Responding to what I say, he will amusingly say, “Daddy, you must be strong, Daddy, keep your spirits up, don’t carry burdens, Dad.”

How to Be a Father and a Friend According to the Word of God

Why can I do those things? Where do I get the inspiration to be a father and a friend? From the word of God, of course. Here are the biblical principles that help me achieve that.

1. Meeting a Child’s Primary Needs

First of all, a father must meet his children’s needs. This is the most basic thing every father is required to do. As it is said in Luke 11:11,

What father among you, if his son asks him for a fish, will give him a snake instead of a fish? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 

Jesus’ words in this verse already describe a father’s duty. If you are a father, you must seek the best for your children. You need to provide for their needs for food, clothing, a home, education, and a place to live. 

2. Teaching the Importance of Fearing God

Not stopping at meeting physical needs, a father also needs to teach his child to fear the Lord.

In Deuteronomy 6:7, Moses says, “What I command you today must be on your heart; you shall teach it diligently to your children...” Moses underscores for fathers the importance of teaching the Law to their children. All the more because technology was not as advanced as it is now, a father had to repeat all those laws to his children.

Why is this important? Because surely we long for our child to one day believe in God. That one day he will love and follow God in his life.

Of course, we need to communicate those teachings in an appropriate way. We can explain how great the power of God is in creating mankind and the world. The story of the Red Sea being parted by God. As well as the story of Noah’s ark. All of this can build a child’s awe of God.

3. Building a Close Relationship

A child is not an object that only receives commands and instruction; he also needs understanding and affection. That is why building a close relationship with a child is essential. As it says in Ephesians 6:4, And you, fathers, do not provoke anger in the hearts of your children, but raise them in the teaching and instruction of the Lord. Let us not plant seeds of bitterness in our children. Instead, we need to teach our children according to what God teaches, especially in love and gentleness.

We can take as an example the words of Proverbs 17:17, A friend loves at all times, and becomes a brother in adversity. By placing a child as a friend, we can love him even more. For example, by speaking gently and with full patience. Or by asking what he does each day. 

How can a close relationship with a child be created? You can invite him to talk about his daily life, what he likes, what he does not like, and so on. You can also invite him to play or pray together. Activities done together will certainly strengthen togetherness and strengthen the relationship.

How can it go even deeper? By speaking from heart to heart. Openness in thoughts and feelings will encourage a child to be open to you. Openness, in turn, will draw a father closer to his child. 

4. Being an Example in the Family

happy father looking at cheerful son and exercising with dumbbells

As a leader in the family, what a father does will be seen and judged by the other family members. If a father sets a good example, he certainly gives a good standard in the family, especially to his child. Why is this important? Because later a child will grow according to the example of his father.

That is why it is important for a father to set a good example.  As it is written in Proverbs 20:7 BIMK, Children are blessed if they have a good father who lives uprightly. When a father can live like Christ, full of love, patient, and with integrity, a child will also be inspired to live like his father. On the other hand, if the father lives by the world’s standards, the child will one day live like this world.

Fathers, what example do we give our children? If we long for our children to live according to the word of God, we ourselves must be the first to live according to the word of God.

Children Are Entrusted by God

The word of God directs us not only to be fathers, but also friends to our children. This is because children are a trust from God. God wants us to both teach and love the children He has entrusted to us. Therefore, fathers, let us strive to be both father and friend to our children. -  Related Articles:

• Open and Close to a Child Entering the Teenage Years
• Becoming a Spiritual Father – The Figure of a Father According to the Standard of the Word
• Getting to Know the Character of Joseph, Jesus’ Father, More Deeply
• Becoming a Friend to a Teenager
• Tips for Facing the Challenges of Single Parenthood

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