Devotionals

4 Criteria of a Good Wife According to God's Word. Are You One of Them?

By ayu single · November 2, 2021 · 7 min read

When I was 12 years old, I still remember that one of my dreams for adulthood was to become a wife who is good. To me at that time, a good wife was a wife who was always there for her family and did not argue with her husband and children.

What is your definition of a good wife today? Each of us surely has a different answer, because the word "good" is very subjective. But did you know that God has a very clear standard for a “good wife”? What are the criteria according to God's Word?

The Criteria of a “Good Wife” According to God's Word

1. A Good Wife Fears the Lord

Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a wife who fears the LORD is to be praised. – Proverbs 31:29-30

In Proverbs 31:29, which we read above, it is written, "many women have done well, but you surpass them all." What does the word "you" above mean? It refers to a wife who fears the Lord. We can conclude that a wife who fears the Lord is more than just a good wife. A “good” character is only one of the characteristics of “a wife who fears the Lord.”

Why is being a wife who fears the Lord so important? In navigating the journey of marriage, challenges and situations that are not ideal will certainly happen. If a wife does not fear the Lord, she can be carried away by emotion, trigger quarrels, and fail to be a good helper.

The effect of a wife who fears the Lord will be extraordinary. The fruit of the Spirit will be reflected in her life, and her family will also feel its influence. Proverbs 31 records so many qualities that appear in a wife who fears the Lord, such as:

doing good to her husband (Proverbs 31:12)
not doing evil (Proverbs 31:12)
her words are full of wisdom (Proverbs 31:26)
optimistic (Proverbs 31:25)
generous (Proverbs 31:20)
responsible (Proverbs 31:15)
diligent, so that her hard work bears fruit (Proverbs 31:19, Proverbs 31:16, Proverbs 31:27)

A wife who fears the Lord knows the foundation she holds to, namely God's Word. Of course, she also applies those values in her family. She will also be a good wife, daughter-in-law, and mother. A good wife is not necessarily a wife who fears the Lord. However, a wife who fears the Lord is certainly a good wife, and even more than that.

Are you one of them?

2. Submit to Your Husband

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord - Ephesians 5:22

A wife who is in accordance with God's will is a wife who submits to her husband. But what does it mean to submit to a husband? Do we have to submit to our husband in every area? What if the husband does not set an example? Do we still need to submit to our husband?

A wife must submit to her husband as she submits to the Lord, even when her husband is not being an example. Submit means that we remain respectful, honoring, and not belittling our husband. Whether through our words or through our gestures or facial expressions. We even continue to honor him in our hearts and thoughts.

Submission also means that even though we have a different view, we still express it well. With a tone of voice, manner of speaking, and facial expression that show that we respect our husband.

Have you ever seen parents or a husband and wife arguing and verbally hurting each other? Or more than that, even resorting to physical violence? Or are things like this what happen in your marriage day by day? If so, is there respect for one another there?

When experiencing conflict with my husband, I too have been tempted not to submit to him. I have been tempted to fight back, show facial expressions that blame him, even belittle him in my thoughts. Even if we only grumble or belittle him in our thoughts, we are already sinning. The verse above is the verse that continues to remind me to submit to and honor my husband in any situation.

If we want to be good wives, we need to submit to our husbands. Husbands also need to submit to God and fulfill their role as good husbands. To be able to carry out each role well, the key is fearing the Lord, as discussed in the previous point.

3. Trusted by Her Husband

An excellent wife, who can find? She is worth far more than jewels. Her husband's heart trusts in her, and he will lack no gain. – Proverbs 31:10-11

To be a good wife is to be someone who can be trusted. Being a trusted person means we become someone very important in the life of the one who places trust in us. A trustworthy person certainly has good character such as integrity, honesty, and dependability.

In daily life, a wife who can be trusted is able to manage well the things entrusted to her. For example, household money, family finances, the home, and so on. She can also keep her husband's and her children'sstories well, so that they feel secure and not judged when they make mistakes. In addition, of course, she is also not unfaithful. She does not waste the trust given to her by her husband and by God.

Are you a wife who can be trusted?

4. Diligent & Responsible

She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.

She is like the merchant ships; she brings her food from afar.

She rises while it is still night, then provides food for her household, and assigns tasks to her servant girls. - Proverbs 31 :13-15

After a full day of activity, home should be the best and most comfortable place to return to, both for the husband and the children. But what if they come home and find our house messy, dirty, and with no food? How do you think the people living in that house would feel?

Diligence and a responsible attitude are qualities that must be present in a wife. However, these two qualities do not form just like that. This diligent attitude needs to keep being practiced, especially if you have not been used to it until now. A good wife is a wife who is diligent and responsible in the various areas entrusted to her, such as office work, taking care of the household, caring for her husband, children, and so on.

Becoming Diligent with the Right Motivation

My husband and I were just married in 2021. When our marriage was only one month old, I was very excited to wake up early, prepare breakfast, and take care of the housework. However, the following month I began to feel tired and started to question why I had to do all of that like a servant?

At that time, my motivation was wrong. I did all of that in order to receive praise from my husband. However, when I did not receive praise, I was no longer motivated to diligently take care of the housework. Finally I understood that I had to do it not to receive praise, but because I wanted to be a good wife in the eyes of God, my husband, and my family.

According to Google, the word diligent comes from the Latin "Diligens” which means love, take delight in. When we do something diligently, it means we also do it with love, with joy. Let us also do it with enthusiasm, not by compulsion, or wanting to receive praise, because that is what God desires.

Becoming a good wife is not impossible. God has given His Word to teach us to become good wives, namely by fearing the Lord, submitting to our husbands, being trusted by our husbands, and being diligent and responsible. May God give you the strength to become a good wife. Amen.

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