How Do We Love Elderly Parents?

I never imagined that one day my parents would grow old and no longer be as strong as they once were. They have experienced many declines, from eyesight and hearing to health. Even though I know that one day my parents will return to their Creator, I still was not ready to face this phase.

On the other hand, loving parents who are elderly brings its own challenges. For us as children, this is not easy, because now it is our turn to care for our parents. For our fathers and mothers, this is certainly not easy either, because they do not want to become a burden to their children.

So, what can we do to love elderly parents?

Honor Your Parents Then, Now, and Later

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother this is an important command, as is clear from this promise: that it may go well with you and that you may live long on the earth. – Ephesians 6:1-3 

When God commands us to honor our parents, it means we must love, value, and respect them with all our hearts. We must listen to them carefully, and sincerely obey them in the Lord.

Even though we are adults, we must still do all these things, and love them even more now. After all, we have come to know the Lord and understand His command, namely to obey and honor our father and mother.

There was a time when I was little, every night before going to sleep, I prayed that God would not take my mother before He called me. That was because I did not want to lose my mother. I also greatly admired my father, a hard worker who was persistent, never gave up, and was responsible for his family. I admired my father so much that the thought once crossed my mind that someday I wanted a husband like him.

However, as time went by, as the wheel of life turned and my parents began to grow old, I lost those feelings. Respect That Has Been Worn Away Sometimes, our respect and admiration for our parents last only while we are young. As I entered adulthood, without realizing it, I no longer honored and obeyed my parents with all my heart. I often thought my mother’s advice was outdated and that her thinking was truly old-fashioned. So I listened to her only halfheartedly.

After becoming adults, we become too critical of our parents, or too proud to honor them. We feel more knowledgeable, clever, advanced, technologically literate, and more successful than our parents. We feel powerful because now it is our turn to pay for their living expenses.

And we forget that everything we have now is the result of our parents’ hard work and struggle. They were the ones who once provided a good education and prepared our future, sometimes by ignoring their own interests.

Honor Your Parents Because This Is Right

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. – Ephesians 6:1 

God’s Word teaches children to obey and honor their parents, because this is right. Not because of their goodness or what they have done. We are to do this even if they did not fulfill the role of good parents. Even if in the past they used to hit us, uttered words that were abusive, handed us over to another family to be raised, or did not provide for our lives, we must still honor them.

Nor should our respect diminish because circumstances have changed. For example, because they are now old, no longer able to do many things, or often sick, we feel superior. All our success and achievements make us feel entitled to boast, so that we no longer need to show respect to our parents.

“If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ 

“Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.” 

– Deuteronomy 21:18-21 

God is not pleased to see us behave this way. An attitude of dishonoring and disobeying parents makes God angry. He even commanded the people of Israel to stone rebellious and arrogant children.

If you allow your mind to be filled with criticism, anger, hatred, or judgmental behavior toward your parents, repent immediately. Confess your sin to someone who can help you, and apologize to your parents with all your heart.

Be Grateful for Their Presence in Your Life

Do all things without grumbling and disputing, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like stars in the world. – Philippians 2:14-15 

Facing elderly parents, whose health is beginning to decline, is a season full of struggle. Every day you will face something new and different.

As my mother entered old age, she began to be filled with fear and worry. She was afraid to walk, afraid of falling, afraid to eat, and afraid of many things. Perhaps your parents are now unable to remember many things and have difficulty carrying out daily routines. You also begin to feel as though you are losing them while they are still alive.

Facing all this, do you complain, feel inconvenienced, or burdened by dealing with your parents? Are they still important in your life? Or do you feel it is enough just to pay for their health care and needs, without giving them your heart and being grateful to have them as your parents?

When my mother was sick, my busy schedule often made me put pampers on her in a hurry, because my mind was on the events I had to attend afterward. I did not do it because I enjoyed the time together with her, and because I loved her. And this is one of my greatest regrets.

When she finally lay weak in the hospital because of chronic stomach illness, I looked at and stroked her swollen hand with the IV attached. It was the same hand that welcomed me when I was born, and held me when I cried. It was then that I was grateful because God had given me an extraordinary mother, who was always present in both the joys and sorrows of my life. - On April 12, my mother went home to the Father’s house after being hospitalized for nine days. Watching her struggle until she finally breathed her last was something truly heavy for me. There is much regret, sorrow, and of course many memories with her since I was little.

Do not let your regret come too late as mine did. Be grateful for your parents, and remember the goodness they have shown in your life. Fulfill your duty to your parents. Even though they are now helpless, they are still the same people who have had such an important part in your life. Their love and affection for you have not changed even though their condition is no longer the same.

Likewise, our love and affection as children should not change even though we have become adults and independent. Make the decision to keep loving, honoring, and being thankful for our parents no matter what their condition is!

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