Tips for Facing the Challenges of Single Parenthood

According to Yohana Susana Yembise, Minister of Women's Empowerment and Child Protection, as of December 2018 and continuing until now, fifteen million Indonesian women have become heads of household.

Perhaps you who are reading this are also a mother who has become a single parent. You are confused and worried about how to apply good and proper parenting for your children. You do not know how to live life as a single parent.

Do not worry. These tips drawn from the word of the Lord can help you face the challenges of being a single parent.

The Lord Is Your Husband

For your husband is He who made you, the LORD of hosts is His name; your Redeemer is the Holy One, the God of Israel; He is called the God of all the earth. - Isaiah 54:5

Being a parent is not easy. All the more so, being a single parent with young children. You have to carry every burden alone: earning a living, meeting your children's needs, and raising them. This is nonstop work that knows no day or night.

On top of that, you face the negative views of people around you toward someone living without a partner. When you are surrounded by probing questions, even judgment about your situation, it is very easy to lose heart and feel less worthy.

Yet above all that, remember this: you are not alone. Even if you became a single parent because of unavoidable circumstances, whether because of divorce or death, you are not alone because you are the bride of Christ! The Lord is your husband. You should rejoice because your husband is the Creator of the universe, who loves you so deeply that He was willing to sacrifice His life to redeem your sins!

Be Strong

"O beloved one, do not be afraid. Peace be with you; be strong, yes, be strong!" While he was speaking with me, I felt strong again and said, "Please speak, my lord, for you have given me strength." - Daniel 10:19

No one gets married wanting to separate and watch their children grow up in a broken home. Yet the hardest part is not losing a spouse, but seeing your children long for the presence of a father figure in their lives. Just as painful are the many questions they do not yet understand about your family life. How could your heart not be crushed?

With a burden like that, you become fragile. You keep weeping over your circumstances, blaming and pitying yourself, regretting your fate, or struggling to accept reality.

Seeing you like that, your child will also become whiny and discouraged. They too will blame their fate, even God, for allowing their parents to separate and making their mother suffer. Surely you do not want your child to experience that, do you?

You want your children to grow up strong, full of spirit, and proud of their lives. And if you want your children to be strong, you must become strong first.

Be strong, you single parent loved by God! Peace be with you; be strong, yes, be strong!

Raise Children to Fear the Lord

Discipline your child, and he will give you peace and bring you joy. - Proverbs 29:17 

When you create fear in your child so that he will listen to and obey you, how long will that obedience last?

As soon as a child steps outside the house, there is no longer anything he needs to fear. The child feels free, so he may no longer want to obey rules, or even the norms that exist.

With a child whose life is chaotic and falling apart, it will be difficult for you to be happy, let alone at peace. In fact, your pain and disappointment may become many times greater than when you separated from your spouse.

It is very important to raise our children to fear the Lord- not by instilling fear. For that, you need the right initiative and the right environment. Join an active church community that provides guidance for children. Attend classes or various parenting seminars parenting that can help you become a better parent.

Not only that, before teaching your child to fear God, you yourself must become an example. Do not only tell your child to go to church, pray, and read the word, while you yourself do not do it; it is certain that your efforts will be in vain.

It was not because we do not have that right, but because we wanted to make ourselves an example to you, so that you would follow us. - 2 Thessalonians 3:9 

Yes, the most effective way to teach is by doing what you teach.

Keep Learning

Having children does not automatically make you a good, perfect parent who knows everything. Moreover, as a single parent, you are carrying out two roles at once: father and mother. No matter how good or how wholehearted your efforts are, you cannot replace the missing figure in the family.

Therefore, keep learning to be a good single parent by:

1. Ask Brothers and Sisters in the Community for Help

I used to think it was easier for a mother than for a father to carry out a dual role as a parent. The reality is that a mother is still a mother, and my children need the guidance of a father; and the same is true the other way around.

So, how do you make up for this imbalance?

Ask for help from people you know have a good reputation and can have a positive influence to help guide your child. Even if only briefly, these regular meetings can fill the child's sense of lack regarding the wholeness of the family.

Besides that, you can also take your child to visit the home of a family of brothers or sisters you respect so that he can see a positive picture of a good family .

2. Seek Advice and Be Open

Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. - Proverbs 11:14 

After your child is older, and you think the hard days have passed so now it is time to relax, you are mistaken.

This is your second hardest phase, when your child grows into a teenager and enters a season of searching for identity. During this period, the child begins to rebel, learns to argue, to scheme or think cunningly, and widens friendships here and there.

Seek advice from people you trust who can give positive input and biblical solutions. Be open so they can give advice that is effective and relevant to your struggles and your child's struggles.

You Are Not Perfect; You Can Be Wrong or Fail

For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble in calamity. - Proverbs 24:16 

If you have made mistakes in raising your child or made wrong or unwise decisions, so that your child's character grows in ways that do not match your hopes, do not lose heart.

Being a single parent is not easy work, and you have tried to give your best. Do not despair. Fix what is wrong and learn to be wiser.

The Lord bless you! - Church GKDI currently exists in 35 cities. We have Bible Study activities in every area; if you need information or would like to be involved, contact us at contact Church GKDI Official: WhatsApp 0821 2285 8686 or Facebook / Instagram GKDI Official

Related articles: Growing Through Pain

Inspirational video: