Impatient with Your Wife? God on a Husband's Patience

One of the qualities a husband needs is patience. Many people assume this trait is not as important as leadership. Most men are encouraged and trained to lead the family. Yet in married life there are many problems and challenges that require us, as the head of the family, to be patient with every member of the family, especially our wife. 

Why does God want us to do this, and how can we become patient husbands?

Why Do We Need Patience?

To become a patient husband, you first need to understand why a husband must love his wife.

When a man commits to marrying a woman, he is ready to accept her with all her strengths and also her weaknesses. Whether your wife is talkative, quick-tempered, or has a negative mindset, when you make a covenant of faithfulness with her, it means you accept your wife as a whole package. Not only her good qualities, but also her faults and weaknesses. 

A man in my hometown had a wife with a harsh and hot-tempered disposition. Whenever they argued, the neighbors around their house could certainly hear her voice. Thankfully, her husband was very patient. After I finished school, I moved away for five years. When I came home, I heard this neighbor’s wife angrily scolding her husband in the same loud voice as five years before. 

One day, I met this man at a coffee stall. In the middle of our conversation, I asked what his secret was for being patient with his wife for decades. He answered: “Because I love her, and I am the one who chose her.”

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. – Colossians 3:19

Patience becomes one of the traits you need in order to maintain a harmonious married life, because:

1. Patience Is an Expression of Love

Love is patient; love is kind; it does not envy. It does not boast and is not proud. – 1 Corinthians 13:4

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things patiently. – 1 Corinthians 13:7

In the definition of love, the word “patient” is repeated twice, in verse 4 and verse 7. This means God wants us to take patience seriously, because it truly is not easy. God commands us to patiently endure all things. That means we must be patient in every condition. Not only when everything is going well, but also when circumstances are far from ideal.

If you can be patient with an irritating customer, you can also be patient with a wife whose face is sullen when she gets home from work because she was stuck in traffic. If you can patiently deal with a boss who demands that you finish your work targets as quickly as possible, then you also need to be patient when your wife asks you to buy a gas cylinder that very night.

If you love your wife, then no matter how bad her words or behavior may be because of a certain situation, you will be able to be patient and respond rightly. But without a loving heart, it is easy for you to get angry right away and forget all the good things your wife has already done for you. Remember that a wife is the best helper God gives to her husband.

2. Patience Makes You Greater Than a Hero

A patient person is better than a hero, and one who rules his spirit than one who captures a city. – Proverbs 16:32

Tests of patience can come at any time and last a lifetime. And who most often annoys us and tests our patience? Usually those who interact with us most often. For example, coworkers, business associates, in-laws, children, or a wife. 

Before pointing to others as the cause of our impatience, let us examine ourselves: Is it possible that they become impatient because of our attitude that tests their patience? 

People can become impatient for many reasons. When this happens, it is best for you to examine yourself. For example, your boss is often impatient with you. Try correcting yourself first: Is the way I work already right, and are the results satisfying? Or am I being lazy in my work so that my boss becomes upset? 

Then what if we are the ones who are often impatient with someone? 

Deal with this by looking for the solution. For example, you are impatient with your child who is lazy about studying. Then find out why he is lazy, what can motivate him to study diligently, and so on. Focus on solving the problem. Angry outbursts and harshness will not solve anything, but seeking a solution will help your child and yourself. 

Your spouse will certainly want to accept you as you are, but your spouse, and God as well, do not want you to remain as you are forever. God wants us to experience growth and change for the better. After having a wife, those who are impatient need to learn to be patient. Those who are already patient should learn to be even more patient.

Hold Fast to These 2 Things

There are many ways to become a patient husband, but I want to focus on two things. Both are simple, but they have a great impact if applied seriously:

1. Treat Your Wife the Way You Want to Be Treated

Do not take revenge, and do not hold a grudge against your people, but love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD. – Leviticus 19:18

When you are disappointed, angry, or sad because of something, you certainly hope your wife will be patient and understanding. Now, if the situation were reversed, would you also be willing to be patient and understanding with your wife?

For example, your wife is irritating and speaks sharply. Think about it, there must be a reason why she is acting that way. Maybe she is on her period. Or she is stressed about a tightened household budget. Maybe she has problems at work, is stressed from caring for a sick child or one who is lazy about studying, and so on.

Do not be quick to get angry when your wife is angry. Learn to be silent. Once, when I came home from work, I found my wife looking sullen, and when I asked, her tone of voice was high. Instead of pressing her, I chose to go take a shower. After we ate, once my wife seemed more relaxed, only then did I ask again. My wife told me she had many problems at the office, and on top of that her stomach acid was acting up. So I hugged and comforted her.

Be patient, and we will be able to think positively and act positively.

2. Accept Correction: Could It Be You Who First Tests Other People’s Patience?

The end of a matter is better than its beginning. Patience is better than pride. – Ecclesiastes 7:8

What usually makes your wife upset, then the two of you argue, and you become impatient with her?

For me, it is usually because I have been told many times but I do not pay attention. My wife gets angry, and my patience runs out too. When I looked into it more deeply, that was when I realized: what made my wife upset was that I like to put off things that seem trivial to me. For example, photocopying an ID card. 

Realizing this, I admitted that I was wrong and had upset her heart. But I did not stop there; I also learned to change the habit of procrastinating. What can be done now, I do now. If this can help my character grow, why would I not do it?

A patient person is a humble person. This is what he does:

• tries to understand why the person he loves is angry;
• finds out the root of the problem, and focuses on the solution;
• thinks about his wife’s feelings;
• realizes that the things he considers normal and ordinary may actually irritate and harm others.

Change for the better through self-examination and the willingness to keep growing. Do not become a proud person who rejects criticism. It is quite possible that this is where household problems begin, because other people become impatient with your stubbornness. Be grateful that your wife is still willing to correct you, because that is a sign that she loves you. She wants you to change into a better person. 

Do not only demand that your wife be patient first, and then you will be patient. We, as husbands, must also be patient with our wives first. A husband is the leader of the family, and a leader is influence. So if we are patient, we can influence the people around us to be patient too.

As long as you truly make the effort, you can surely be patient with your spouse. A wife is the helper God has given to you, so be patient with her in all things. Treat your wife the way you want to be treated, accept her correction, and grow into a better person. Give it a try!

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