Recognize 4 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship and How to Overcome Them

Relationships that are unhealthy usually begin with small warning signs. Indeed, no relationship is perfect. Conflict, misunderstandings, differences of opinion, and problems will always arise in a relationship, no matter how close you are to your partner. After all, you and your boyfriend or girlfriend are two people from different backgrounds. However, if you look more deeply, there are usually subtle warning signs that show you are in an unhealthy relationship.

If it is not dealt with right away, you could become trapped in a toxic relationship that will make you miserable instead of happy.

What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship, and how can you fix it?

Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

1. No Openness

Without openness, there is no healthy relationship. How can you and your partner truly know and help each other if you are not open with one another? Countless relationships have fallen apart because of problems that were hidden or never fully resolved. Not only major issues, but even small things like bad habits and unmet expectations can damage the closeness between you both.

A healthy relationship begins when you and your partner can be open with each other about yourselves, your weaknesses, struggles, and more. When you begin planning a more serious relationship, you need to open up more deeply, for example about finances, the past, or sin.

Of course, openness also needs to happen at the right time. Find time to sit down and talk together calmly, not when you are in a rush or under pressure. And before doing this, it is good to seek advice first from someone you trust or a spiritual mentor.

There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, and nothing hidden that will not be made known. – Luke 12:2 

Being open is not easy, because it takes humility to let your partner see who you really are. However, what you hide today will one day come to light. Openness can also keep you from future conflicts. If openness from now on can build your partner's trust and strengthen your relationship, why not start earlier?

2. Poor Communication

Good communication, in which we listen more quickly than we speak, is very important in a relationship. Don't believe it? According to one study, 57.7% of divorces happen because of poor communication. Good intentions communicated the wrong way can invite unnecessary conflict.

For example, your partner is often late when coming to a date. You want your partner to arrive on time, but intense emotion makes you say it while getting angry. Then your partner becomes defensive and attacks back. Or, on the other hand, they shut down and become reluctant to speak with you. The cause may seem trivial, but things like this have a major impact on your relationship.

Another example: your partner is trying to express something, but you act indifferent or answer carelessly. It may not seem like a big deal to you. However, your partner may feel uncared for.

That is why in James 1:19 it says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”

To grow in a relationship, try building good communication, in which you can express what is in your heart with love. Also, when you are the listener, honor your partner by listening sincerely.

3. Pride or a Big Ego

Forms of pride can include always feeling the most right, forcing your own way, or not caring about your partner's feelings or needs. This can be seen when you and your partner are arguing. If each person can control their ego, both of you will try to make peace as quickly as possible. Sadly, what happens more often is that both sides feel they are the most right.

Have you ever experienced your partner getting upset just because a chat went unanswered? From something that small, the problem can spread everywhere. Old issues may even be brought up again. Provoked into defending yourself, you eventually blame them, and the relationship becomes strained.

Instead of holding on to a high ego, try doing what is written in Ephesians 4:2, “Always be humble, gentle, and patient. Show your love by helping one another.”

Paul wrote this verse for everyone. So you, who are dating someone you love very much, should be able to practice this verse even better, shouldn't you? Do not be selfish. Care about each other's feelings and needs. If you are experiencing conflict, resolve it well, with gentle words, and find a middle ground. This is a relationship for both of you, not just about them or only about you.

4. Insecurity

Feelings of insecurity or a lack of security can foster possessiveness that makes you constantly want to control your partner. The signs include restricting your partner, becoming easily jealous when they go out with other people, or even forbidding your partner from doing certain activities.

Of course, you yourself do not like it when other people freely tell you what you cannot do. So avoid doing the same thing to your partner. In 1 Corinthians 13:5 the Apostle Paul writes, “(Love) does not behave rudely and does not seek its own advantage.” This means true love gives your partner room to be themselves and grow fully, rather than limiting and controlling them.

By doing this, surely your special relationship with your partner will become more dynamic and continue to grow.

The Recipe for a Healthy Relationship

“In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you. For this is the Law and the Prophets.” – Matthew 7:12

In a healthy relationship, a person loves their partner as they love themselves. Before you do anything, put yourself in their shoes, “How would they feel if I did this? Would they be happy, or the opposite?” That way, you will think twice when you start being provoked emotionally, start losing gentleness, start being selfish, start thinking about doing rude things, becoming possessive, and so on. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

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This is the love God has given to us. Throughout His life, we can see how Jesus practiced this kind of love. What about the love you give to your partner? Is it the kind of love that is deep, unselfish, and firmly holds to the truth?

Your special relationship with your partner will become extraordinary if you can love them as God loves us. The recipe is:

• Love your partner with God's love.
• Love your partner as yourself

Let us ask ourselves: Have I loved my partner with God's love? Have I loved my partner as I love myself?

Of course, everyone wants a healthy relationship. However, sometimes we do not realize that the relationship we are in is not truly healthy. A lack of openness, poor communication, selfishness, and insecurity are some signs of an unhealthy relationship. Are those signs present in your relationship? If so, fix them immediately. And most importantly, love your partner with God's love and as you love yourself. Give it a try!

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References: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201702/be-mine-dealing-possessiveness-in-relationship www.insider.com/why-people-get-divorced-2019-1

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