Rise Again After Divorce: Recognize Its 5 Psychological Stages

No one who marries sincerely hopes that the relationship will end in divorce. A marriage is built by two people who are committed to living life together. Yet when one party no longer wants it, whether willingly or not, the marriage must come to an end.

Divorce is a traumatic event whose impact must not be taken lightly. The emotional wounds caused by divorce often bring trauma and prolonged pain that can disrupt the course of your life.

So, recognize the five psychological stages that are usually experienced after a divorce so that you can rise again and rebuild your life:

1.Denial (Unable to Accept Reality)

In the early stage, you will find it hard to believe what has happened to the marriage you once dreamed of. You still hope everything can go back to the way it used to be. If this happened to someone else, perhaps you could understand it, but you do not believe divorce could happen to you yourself.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything make your requests known to God in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving. – Philippians 4:6

In these times, what you can do is pray. Pray whenever you need to. I remember that at the time, I wrote in my diary every day with prayers to God. And not only that, whenever I felt restless, sad, or worried, I prayed so that I could accept the reality that this was the path of life I had to go through.

2. Blaming (Blaming)

When I finally accepted the reality that our marriage had ended, I began to blame God. Why did God allow bad things to happen to me? Even though I had followed Him since my teens. I went in mission team for five years; I served in Sekolah Minggu, Teens Ministry, Song Ministry, Singles & Professionals Ministry; and I helped many people know the truth. I felt that God had been unfair.

Throughout this period, I struggled to make peace with myself, and trust God's plans and purposes in my life.

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the LORD. – Isaiah 55:8 

I learned to see that my plans were not God's plans. That His plan was far better than mine, even though it was painful and I could not yet see it at the time. Still, I believe that even if my spouse and I had stayed together, our marriage would not necessarily have been as happy as I wanted.

3. Hurt and Bitter (Hurt and Bitter)

At this stage, your pain and bitterness will intensify. You are hurt because you were simply cast aside after all that you went through together. You are sad, crushed, and ashamed. Ashamed before family, friends, and the people around you. You feel inferior. You feel unworthy and unlovable because you have been left behind. You feel alone. 

At that time, I was like someone walking through corridors of death. I passed thousands of nights with tears and unceasing prayers asking for strength and surrender. This was a process I went through with great difficulty.

During this time, there are two things you can do:

• Read God's Word to gain strength. God's Word is an extraordinary source of encouragement. When you are weak and helpless, His Word will comfort, strengthen, and heal all your hurt and bitterness.
• Join a community that supports you. Within this spiritual community, I sought advice on how to respond to a marriage that had ended. I also learned about child development, how to raise children, and how to play a double role as both mother and father to my little one.

For the LORD, He Himself goes before you, He Himself will be with you, He will not leave you or forsake you; do not be afraid and do not be discouraged. – Deuteronomy 31:8 

When you feel hopeless, powerless, carrying life's burdens alone—especially if you are raising the children of the marriage on your own—remember God's promise. Even if your spouse leaves you, God will not leave or forsake you! 

4. Negotiation (Beginning to Think Rationally and Learning to Accept)

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God! For I shall yet praise Him, my help and my God! – Psalm 42:5 

After passing through the three difficult seasons above, you finally become able to think clearly again and begin to accept reality. 

At that time, I realized that crying over something beyond my control would achieve nothing. My prolonged sorrow was not solving the problem. In fact, it could have a bad impact on the emotional condition of my two children. If I was not strong enough to face this situation, they too would become fragile and unprepared to live without the figure they loved.

When this stage comes, you must rise up. Plan your future with your children. Hope in God, because He never disappoints!

5. Acceptance (Acceptance)

For surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off. – Proverbs 23:18 

Now, the time has come for you to focus on living the new chapter of your life! Even without a spouse, your future and your children's future still remain. Your hope in God will not be in vain!

• If at first you were a homemaker, start looking for work so that you can be independent and provide for your family's needs, which are certainly not few. By working, you will stay occupied, and little by little, you will be able to forget the emotional wounds caused by divorce.

• Set a schedule with your children. You are now carrying a double role as a parent. With greater responsibilities, you need to be more careful in managing time for yourself and your family.

• Set aside special time with your children once a week. Simply going to the playground or swimming will make them happy and help them forget their sadness. You too can have quality time with your children that cannot be replaced by anything.

• Ask for advice and ask many questions about your new role as a parent, especially about how to raise children without a spouse. The goal is so that you do not raise them wrongly or become unbalanced in carrying out your role.

We know now that God works in all things for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to God's purpose. – Romans 8:28 

Do not be afraid to face the future after divorce. Close the old chapter and let go of all that hurt so that you can move forward. Believe that God will not remain silent and let you go through this alone. He is always working to bring good into your life and mine!

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