Becoming a Spiritual Father - A Father Shaped by the Word

Before knowing God's word, I thought a father's role was only to provide for his children's physical needs, as well as to enforce discipline in the family. I had no picture of how to raise children spiritually.

As parents, of course we are happy when our children become spiritually minded children. Therefore, we must first become spiritual fathers, so that we can set an example for them.

What can we do to become fathers who meet the standard of God's word?

A Spiritual Father Pursues the Character of Christ

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4

God gives fathers an important role in raising children according to His teaching. The goal is that he may lead his children to God. So, a spiritual father understands how to raise children, and how his instruction will direct them toward a purpose in life that is pleasing to God.

The mistake I used to make was not pursuing personal spiritual growth alongside the growth of my children (our daughter is fourteen years old and our son is twelve). I raised children entering their teenage years in the same way as when they were still little children. Whatever I said had to be obeyed. I forgot that their way of thinking is now more critical than before. 

A father must pay attention to his personal spiritual growth so that he can become the spiritual leader in his family. He pursues the character of Christ, always wanting to grow and bear the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). 

For that reason, fathers need to draw near to God through reading the Bible, prayer, spiritual classes and seminars, and have a mentor or spiritual guide. After attending parenting classes in the congregation, I learned a great deal about how to raise children according to their age and, of course, according to the foundation of God's word. My wife and I are continually guided so that we can keep growing in fatherhood and motherhood for our children.

A Spiritual Father Loves His Wife

One important factor in successfully raising children is a good marriage. Before taking on the role of a parent, a father first takes on the role of a husband. And, a husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). 

Putting children above your wife can become a cause of an unhappy marriage. After being blessed with children, do not let your priority of love become greater for your children than for your wife. Failing to love your wife is the seed of a bad relationship. And, if your marriage relationship is bad, the quality of parenting you provide will also tend to be poor.

Spend more time with your wife than with your children. Regularly, do activities that can deepen your closeness, such as going on dates, exercising, watching movies, pillow talk, and hobby activities that can be done together. This togetherness is an expression of your love for your wife, which can strengthen the quality of your marriage and your parenting.

A Spiritual Father Teaches with Patience

Without correct understanding, I thought teaching children was entirely the mother's task, while the father's duty was to earn a living. In reality, fathers have an important role in shaping a child's character. Moses advised fathers to keep teaching their children at all times, whether sitting at home or traveling on the road (Deuteronomy 6:6-9). 

Realizing this, I began inviting my children to join family worship every Sunday. There, we sing together to praise God, read the word, and pray. Whatever I can teach them, whether about attitude, character, or spiritual life, I do it consistently—not only once in a while or with great enthusiasm only at the beginning. And in this teaching, not only consistency is needed, but also patience.

 Disciplining with Love

Teaching, correcting, disciplining, and training children certainly requires a lot of energy. At times, this leaves us drained and wanting to give up. We are then tempted to use the easiest method: giving orders, threats, or even blows.

The motivation for discipline is love, not punishment. Disciplining children is necessary, to build the character of responsibility in them, but we must do it with love and also with patience.

God's word in Ephesians 4:15 teaches us to speak the truth in love. This applies not only to resolving conflict, but also to raising children. When we raise them with violence or in the wrong way, we place burning coals in their hearts. They may obey us, but with a burdened heart. Their obedience may also not last long. They may do it out of fear, not with true understanding.

When we teach with love, they can see that we love them. And this is also good for their mental growth, so that they can grow in a healthy way.

 Asking Forgiveness When Wrong

Should a father apologize when he makes a mistake? Yes, of course. A father first needs to confess his sin and ask God for forgiveness. After that, he apologizes to the person concerned, whether his wife or his child. 

For example, your child accidentally damages something you treasure, and then you scold him with explosive anger. Indeed, the trigger was the child's mistake, but by speaking harshly or yelling, you have sinned against your child.

Our greatest test when we want to apologize is self-justification. Put all of that aside. Apologizing is a form of humility, part of teaching children about God. In this way, children will see that in the future, they may be hurt and need to learn how to forgive. They learn to value relationships with others through the way you restore your relationship with them through an apology.

 Expecting God's Help

If you feel that the five points above look like hard work, you are right. So, besides working hard, you must also rely on God's help so that you remain moved to love, to control yourself, and to keep trying more effectively. For you cannot change your children's hearts. Only God can.

Our part as fathers is to teach and bring them to God. He uses us to change the lives of our children. Pray that you will be given wisdom in carrying out your role, both as a husband and as a father. Pray that your child may grow the character of Christ and become a person who fears God.

A spiritual father is aware of his role in raising children, and that his goal is to bring them to know God. He understands that the measure of his spirituality will become the example his children follow. Fathers, pursue spiritual growth. Be fathers who rely on God, who raise their children with love, patience, humility, and consistency. Amen!

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References:
www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/new-parents/6-things-a-godly-dad-does.html

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