Becoming a Romantic Husband: Why It Matters and How

In my wife’s assessment, I am not a romantic husband. She has said this since our dating days and again in our first year of marriage. Let alone giving her sweet surprises like in romance dramas, in my whole life I have only given my wife flowers twice: when I asked her to be my girlfriend, and when we got engaged. 

For those of you who feel you are not very romantic or not romantic at all toward your wife, I understand exactly how that feels. Not every man can do that naturally. However, that is not an excuse for us not to learn to be romantic. 

Like I once did, you may wonder why husbands need to be romantic. What difference does romance make in our marriage? And how can we become that kind of husband?

Learning Romance: Is It Necessary?

Why do husbands need to learn to be romantic? Because it is one expression of your love for your wife that will make her happy.

Perhaps you think, if your wife already loves you without romance, why go to all the trouble? But try thinking about it this way: “If even without being romantic, my wife already loves me and was willing to marry me, how much more if I am romantic?”

Then if your wife does not demand it, ask for it directly, or give you “hints” to be more romantic, does that mean she does not need it?

Realize this: no matter how strong your wife is, she is still a woman who wants to be treated with courtesy and tenderness. More than that, your wife is the person you should treat as most special. She is the woman you chose to be your lifelong companion, one of the best things God planned and gave for your life.

These two practical steps can help us become romantic husbands:

1. Change Your Mindset About Romance

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, whatever is virtuous and worthy of praise, think about these things. – Philippians 4:8

When you change the way you think, your actions will change, and the results will change as well. If you always think I can’t be romantic, then you will never be able to do it. God wants us to think about things that are lovely, commendable, good, and praiseworthy. So why not try to express all of that through your attitude toward your wife?

God is pleased to see our willingness to learn to love the woman He has placed beside us, and He will enable us. It is not easy for me to praise my wife while holding her hand and looking into her eyes, but I want to learn. It is not easy to plan a Saturday night in a special place and give her a surprise gift, but I try to do it. 

The result? While gathering at a brother’s house, my wife and I made several people a little envious. We held hands while praying, and I served my wife during the meal. For us, that was ordinary. But for others, it was special because they did not receive that from their own spouse. 

In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. – Ephesians 5:28

Some husbands are embarrassed to be romantic because they feel they are too old. “It’s embarrassing in front of young people. We’re old already, why be all lovey-dovey?” No, don’t be mistaken. A romantic attitude knows no age.

One time, when my wife and I were having dinner at a restaurant, an elderly husband and wife came in. The grandfather opened the door for the grandmother, pulled out her chair for her, and only then sat in his own chair. Because our tables were side by side, we could not help but notice their interaction. After the meal, this grandfather gave his wife a small gift and a card. That night, I learned a valuable lesson that romantic actions toward one’s wife are not limited by age.

2. Ask Your Wife What Actions She Considers Romantic

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. – Ephesians 5:25-27

Sometimes a wife does not clearly express what romantic gestures she wants from her husband. She hopes you can read what she wants. If this happens, simply explain that you want to hear it directly from her so that you can accommodate her wishes well.

When I asked my wife what kind of romantic actions she wanted, she did not answer right away and instead told me to figure it out myself. I replied that if I did not ask directly, how could I know? In the end, my wife wrote down her wishes on paper. Giving her a card, taking her to watch a romantic movie, and hugging her are some of the actions she considers romantic. 

We must learn from and follow Christ, who loved and gave Himself up to sanctify His church. Becoming a romantic husband for your wife is a light thing compared to Christ’s sacrifice. So it is selfish if you and I insist that we cannot be romantic, or only try to be romantic according to our own version. 

By changing your mindset and being willing to hear your wife’s desires, you will make her feel like the most special woman in the world. Let us learn to become romantic husbands for our beloved wives. Give it a try!

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