Am I Stubborn as a Husband?

When you hear the word stubborn, what do you feel?

It seems that none of us wants to be labeled by our wife as a husband who is stubborn. Yet do we realize that at times we act that way? Not listening, not caring about anyone's advice, even our own wife's. We feel there is a dignity as a man that must be maintained. 

The character of a stubborn person is being unwilling to be corrected or advised. Stubborn also means refusing to accept true teaching. From that understanding, it can be defined that a husband who is stubborn is a husband who does not want to listen to the advice and opinions of others. 

Indeed, this trait is no good at all. Why do I know? Because I used to be like that.

Until My Wife Rebuked Me

My wife once told me that I was stubborn. At first it was not easy for me to accept it; I felt that I was good. However, my wife often said, “You never listen to what I say. When someone else speaks, then you listen.” I usually argued that at that moment I was not ready to hear her advice. What made my wife even more annoyed was that I would usually say, “Next time I just won't do that again. I don't need to take the initiative to do anything in this house.” Then I ended the conversation by lamenting, instead of reflecting and changing.

There was also a time when I was very stubborn about keeping myself clean. When the Covid-19 pandemic was raging badly, we were advised to clean ourselves after working outside. But I easily ignored my wife's advice about that. I thought that the Covid-19 virus would not jump to other people. So several times I did not shower immediately after coming home from work. My wife would quickly remind me and get angry if I did not follow the health procedure. Strangely, in my heart I said: “Man, that woman is so complicated, so fussy.”

Why I Became Stubborn

Long after that, I finally realized that I was stubborn. If examined, there were three reasons I became a stubborn husband. 

First, I felt I was smarter than my wife. There was a certain pride in me when I looked at my spouse's level of education. I thought that I was smarter and knew the best solution. Yet now I admit that my wife is truly smart and intelligent.

Second, I felt that I was always right. I trusted my own opinions and actions. Other people did not know the reasons behind everything I did. I was the one who was most right.

Third, I was not humble enough to listen to advice. It really does not feel comfortable to listen to advice. Sometimes I cling tightly to my personal convictions. If those convictions are right, there should be no problem. But if we know that what we believe is wrong, that is the stubborn attitude we are carrying. 

Holding on to a stubborn attitude is the same as damaging a marriage quietly. Not only are other people hurt, but we hurt ourselves too. 

Changing Ourselves from a Stubborn Attitude

Are we willing to change from a heart attitude that is stubborn? This question is very important as the foundation of change in our lives. If we realize that stubbornness is very bad, we will be motivated to change.

But perhaps you are wondering, how do we get rid of that stubborn trait? Here are 3 ways I did it.

1. Realize and Admit That a Stubborn Attitude Must Be Thrown Away

Proverbs 9 : 6 : Leave foolishness behind, and you will live, and walk in the way of understanding. 

Like the proverb above, we husbands need to acknowledge and cast away the foolishness within us. Can stubbornness not be equated with foolishness? By casting away a stubborn attitude, it will be easier for us to gain understanding in carrying out our role as husbands. 

That is why it is very important to realize that a trait of stubbornness must be removed. Realizing that this attitude needs to be changed is the important first step .

2. Be Willing to Listen to and Pay Attention to Sound Advice

Sound advice is worthy of being heard. Especially if it comes from the person closest to us who loves us. A loving person will never give advice that leads us astray.

Proverbs 13 : 10 : Pride only breeds quarrels, but those who listen to advice have wisdom. 

According to the verse above, listening to advice will give wisdom to us. On the other hand, a husband who is stubborn and holds on to his pride will only cause quarrels. Do you want to spend your days arguing with your wife? Of course not, right? That is why, as a husband, you need to listen to your wife's advice.

We should not underestimate the wise advice that is given. After all, sometimes we have weaknesses that are not visible to ourselves, but are clearly seen by others, especially our wives. To be able to change from a stubborn attitude, we need to grow into people who are willing to listen to the advice of others. That will lead us to unlock stubbornness and move toward change. 

3. Be Humble Enough to Change

Recognizing stubbornness and listening to advice must be followed by the next step. That is humility and change..

True, it feels difficult to follow the advice we receive. At times that advice does not match what we want. However, what is the point of receiving so much advice if it is not obeyed? That is why we must have the humility not only to listen to advice, but also to do it.

As Romans 12 : 2 says : Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what the will of God is: what is good and pleasing to God and perfect. 

Advice will be of no use if it is not put into practice. Therefore, being humble and willing to follow the suggestions of others, especially our wives, is the key to changing. We will be equipped, first to change from our stubbornness, and second in how to fulfill our role as husbands who are pleasing to God. 

For the Happiness of the Family

There is no benefit in continuing to maintain a stubborn attitude within us. A stubborn husband will only harm himself, his wife, and his family. As long as we are unwilling to change, our wife's happiness will grow dimmer and dimmer.

Marriage is indeed the responsibility of both husband and wife. But we need to remember that the happiness of the wife and family rests on the husband's shoulders. If we are stubborn, the faces of our wife and family will look displeased.

Let us change from being stubborn husbands into husbands who are humble, willing to listen to advice, and willing to change. 

Reference : meaning of the word bebal – https://kbbi.web.id>bebal -  Related Articles:

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