Devotionals

7 Bad Habits That Can Destroy a Marriage

By ayu single · September 15, 2021 · 7 min read

As time goes by, small disturbances called bad habits gradually slip into a marriage. If they are not changed, little by little but surely, these habits will erode the foundation of the marriage that was built together.

What are the seven bad habits that risk destroying a marriage, and how can they be overcome?

1. Neglecting to Pray Together

God delights in relationship with people, and the devil does not like this. The devil’s way of destroying marriage is by damaging the relationship between husband and wife, as well as their relationship with God. The connection they gain through prayer is made to seem unimportant.

I am someone who can easily let a day go by without praying together with my spouse. What about you? Have you gone without praying together for a week, a month, or a year? If you can do that easily, you have cultivated a bad habit that can destroy your marriage. For how can a marriage be built well if it is not grounded in a spiritual relationship between husband and wife, and between both of them and God?

Do not deprive one another, except by mutual consent for a time, so that you may have opportunity to pray. After that, come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. – 1 Korintus 7:5

When a husband and wife no longer pray together, the devil has an opening to tempt their faith and damage their household.

2. Not Resolving Conflict Properly

We cannot avoid conflict in marriage. I have argued with my spouse, and I am sure you have too.

The question is, what do you and your spouse do when you are involved in conflict? Do you throw harsh or filthy words, belittle your spouse, and judge them? Is the problem left unresolved?

This is one of the bad habits that often damages marriage. Instead of resolving conflict well, we actually make it worse.

Resolve your problems with your spouse properly, according to God’s way, namely by speaking the truth in love. When you express your feelings, correct, or advise your spouse, do it in love. Avoid words meant to attack and destroy your spouse’s dignity. Lowering your tone of voice, apologizing, and making your spouse feel safe to be open will enable both of you to overcome the various problems in your marriage.

Remind them of these things and charge them before God not to quarrel about words, which is of no value and only ruins those who listen. – 2 Timotius 2:14

3. Bringing Up the Past

When you argue with your spouse, do you focus on the problem at hand, or do you widen it to their mistakes and sins of the past? Many of us want to attack our spouse by using mistakes they once made. In fact, memories of the past are material for learning, not weapons to damage the present.

The reality is, it is not easy when the issue we face has to deal with forgiveness. That is what the Lord Jesus experienced when He had to forgive our sins. It was hard, but Jesus chose to die on the cross because He loves us.

Let all bitterness, rage, anger, quarreling, and slander be removed from among you, along with all malice. But be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ has forgiven you. – Efesus 4:31-32

4. Involving Parents Too Much

In the past, I did not understand priorities in married life, until I learned about true marriage based on the word of God. God established husband and wife to become one flesh after leaving their parents. This means that neither husband nor wife is bound to their respective parents anymore

Parents may have been the place we leaned on and talked things through with since childhood. However, once you are married, your spouse takes priority above your parents. This does not mean you can no longer talk with your parents, but your spouse becomes your first safety net you turn to, the place where you talk things through and lean on in joy and sorrow.

When you make a decision, make sure it is a joint decision between you and your spouse. Not your unilateral decision with your parents, or your parents’ decision for the two of you. Why? Because you and your spouse have now become one through marriage.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother 1 and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. – Kejadian 2:24

5. Not Prioritizing Love and Respect in Marriage

In marriage, both husband and wife will certainly have made mistakes. In fact, it may have happened not just once, but repeatedly. Because it happens so often, one party who feels like the victim may feel entitled to stop respecting their spouse. However, this is not what God desires.

As a husband or wife, you must love and respect your spouse, whether or not they deserve to receive it. When you show respect to your spouse, in essence you are honoring God, yourself, and your marriage.

Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. – Efesus 5:33

6. The Habit of Justifying Yourself Instead of Building a Right Relationship

In marriage, when one party is more eager to prove that they are right than to prioritize a right relationship, what results is a selfish marriage relationship. This selfishness makes a person want to get something from the relationship rather than give to one another.

A relationship is not about who is right or who is wrong. What is the use of proving that you are right if you then lose the relationship ? For example, you argue until you win, but then you and your spouse stop speaking for several days. Is this what you want? According to the word of God, we justify ourselves not by words, but through our attitude.

Likewise, you wives, submit to your own husbands, so that even if some of them do not obey the word, they also, without words, may be won by the conduct of their wives. - 1 Petrus 3:1

Avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they produce quarrels, and a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be gentle to everyone. He must be able to teach and patient. - 2 Timotius 2:23-24

7. Cutting Off Communication

One of the best parts of marriage is when two people feel safe in their communication. That means they can communicate their feelings and thoughts without fear of being judged, hated, or belittled. Marriage should be a safe place where husband and wife can fully express themselves to each other.

When your spouse pours out their feelings and what is in their heart, you must not cut off communication by denying them, judging them, or acting indifferent. You need to respond to your spouse with empathy.

A marriage relationship will not grow if the level of communication only stays at the level of facts. Communication between husband and wife should grow to the level of dreams, feelings, and the heart.

Let your words always be full of grace, not bland, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. – Kolose 4:6

Bad Habits Are Like Time Bombs

Bad habits nurtured in a marriage relationship can become time bombs for major conflict. If the habits above are present in your relationship, start changing now. The center of it is your relationship with God. If you and your spouse do not yet have a close personal relationship with God, build that first. In that way, the fruits of the Spirit and good character will also appear.

If you are experiencing difficulties and need counseling help, do not hesitate to contact us through the contact information below. God bless you! - Reference: www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/divorce-and-remarriage/bad-habits-that-can-destroy-your-marriage.html - Related Articles:

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