Becoming a Loving Son- or Daughter-in-Law

Having parents-in-law is something to be thankful for. Why? Because now we have been given another pair of parents who receive us as their own child. We, as children-in-law, can also receive care and guidance from them.

However, the relationship between parents-in-law and children-in-law will certainly not always be smooth. This is because we and our parents-in-law are different in many ways, such as in values, culture, and experience. It is not uncommon for us to hear of disputes on both sides. So much so that the world assumes that parents-in-law and children-in-law will not get along if they live together.

Even so, we as children-in-law must love our parents-in-law. As someone who is married, I have personally felt how difficult it is to live with my mother-in-law.

How  I Love My Mother-in-Law

Because she does not have a home of her own and is already widowed, my mother-in-law lives with me and my wife. 

When I welcomed my mother-in-law into the house, at first there was no problem. I thought everything would be fine. What is more, my mother-in-law is kind and enjoys spiritualactivities.  Only as time went by did I realize that building a relationship with her was not easy. 

There were several causes of conflict with my mother-in-law. First, our patterns and habits of life were different. Second, our way of communicating and even our tone of voice were different. Third, sometimes my mother-in-law got too involved in the household affairs of my wife and me.

Those disputes bothered me quite a bit. In fact, I once thought that I did not want to live with my mother-in-law. "It would be better to live alone with my wife," that was what I thought. There was even a time when I was so annoyed that I ignored her and did not greet her. This was so she would know that I was not pleased with her presence.

However, I realized that I was selfish and too self-centered. It was not my mother-in-law who needed to change; I was the one who had to learn to be humble. Also, I understood that God the Father wanted me to love my mother-in-law. 

So I learned to love her. I started by being polite and by guarding my behavior and words so that our relationship would be preserved. I even paid attention to the medicines she needed to take and drove her to the clinic regularly. Little by little, our relationship improved.

As a result, my mother-in-law cares for me deeply as her son-in-law. She is always very happy to prepare my favorite foods. She also very much wants to see me happy with my wife. She even says that I am her best son-in-law. 

Heart Attitudes for Loving Parents-in-Law

My story above can serve as an example for all of us, as children-in-law, to be humble and love our parents-in-law. So now, what kind of heart attitudes do we need to have so that we can love our parents-in-law?

1. Be polite and respectful 

When we ask permission to marry our partner, we will certainly be polite to their parents. It would be impossible for us to act carelessly, without any sense of courtesy. We need to maintain that attitude even after they become our parents-in-law.

We can learn from the attitude of Moses toward Jethro, his father-in-law. Jethro visited Moses after Moses led the people of Israel out of Egypt. What was Moses' attitude?  As written in Exodus 18: 5-7,

When Jethro, Moses' father-in-law, together with Moses' children and wife, arrived to him in the wilderness, where he was camped near the mountain of God, word was sent to Moses: "I, your father-in-law Jethro, am coming to you, bringing your wife and her two sons with her."

Then Moses went out to meet his father-in-law, bowed down to him, and kissed him; they asked each other about their well-being, and then went into the tent.

Moses' attitude shows that he honored Jethro. When Moses learned that his father-in-law was coming, he immediately went out to welcome Jethro, even bowing down to the ground. It is clear that Moses deeply respected Jethro.  This is what we need to reflect on: how much do we respect our parents-in-law?

Yes, our parents-in-law certainly have weaknesses. But the Lord wants us to honor them. We honor our parents-in-law not because of obligation and etiquette, but because we know that this is what the Lord desires.

To begin honoring our parents-in-law, we can start with small habits. Greeting them when we leave or return to the house, speaking with full respect, and even offering help when needed. I believe parents-in-law will feel honored to receive respectful treatment from their children-in-law.

2. Build good communication

Good communication is a bridge that builds a harmonious relationship between children-in-law and parents-in-law. This does not mean communicating all the time, or telling parents-in-law everything. But what is our heart attitude toward them? Do we still maintain a good relationship with our parents-in-law, or are we slowly distancing ourselves from them? That is the challenge.

What is required to build good communication? As it says in Proverbs 16:24, Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Good communication begins with words that are good as well. How wonderful it is if we and our parents-in-law can speak warmly and closely! In this way, a good relationship between parents-in-law and children-in-law will continue to grow. The marriage relationship also becomes more lasting, because our spouse sees our love for their parents.

To build communication, we can begin by calling to ask how they are doing. We can also visit where they live. If our parents-in-law live with us, we can invite them into conversation more often.

3. Be a Light and Introduce the Truth of Christ to Parents-in-Law

Above all, motivation for loving our parents-in-law is so that they too may take part in salvation. That is why we need to introduce God's word to them.

As written in Matthew 5:16, In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. 

How do we introduce the word of God? When our marriage becomes an example. The light of Christ will be evident when we love our spouse. Also when we raise our children in love. When the word of God is visible in our lives, that is when we sow the seed of salvation in the hearts of our parents-in-law.

Parents-in-Law Are Our Parents Too

There may be times when we feel annoyed with our parents-in-law. Sometimes, we cannot accept their differences and imperfections. Yet they are also our parents. We need to love them as we love our own father and mother As the Lord has first loved us, we too ought to show that love. Moreover, a smooth relationship between parents-in-law and children-in-law will make married life happier.

Just as Christ has loved us, let us show His love to our parents-in-law! -  Related Articles:

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• Tips for Facing the Challenges of a Single Parent

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