Want to Get Married? Pay Attention to These 5 Important Things

Getting married is an important decision when we feel we have found the best partner to accompany us for life. When I got married at the age of 27, with good mental, spiritual, and material preparation, I based that decision on God’s word in Genesis 2:18: Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

On the other hand, not a few couples focus more on the wedding celebration that lasts only a day. As the happy day approaches, you and your partner will be busy with many things. From deciding on the venue, decorations, food menu, and wedding attire, to arranging the guest list. The question is, will detailed preparations and a lavish party guarantee that your marriage will be happy forever?

Before making a lifelong vow, examine whether you and your partner already have the five important elements that will strengthen your marriage. Those five elements are:

1. Build Each Other’s Spiritual Life

The most important thing to prepare before marriage is your and your partner’s spiritual life. A happy marriage does not happen on its own, but it takes effort. With a strong spiritual life, you will feel more secure in the Lord. Without a true and solid spiritual foundation, your marriage will be fragile. 

For that reason, do the following things to build your and your partner’s spiritual life:

• Love God and His Word

How well do you know God and His Word? Every foundation of the household you will build is found in God’s word. If you and your partner do not love God, is it possible that you will want to hold fast to His teachings and commands? How will you raise the children whom God will one day entrust to you?

• Be Faithful in the Lord

If your partner is faithful to God whom he cannot see, he will surely be faithful to you, and vice versa. With faithfulness, you and your partner will not be easily shaken by outside influences when there are problems in the relationship.

• Fear the Lord

Many problems in marriage happen because there is no fear of the Lord. If you are worried your partner will lie, be unfaithful, or commit violence because there is no God for him to fear, reconsider your decision to marry. Make sure you and your partner both have a fear of the Lord before entering married life.

• Live in Fellowship

Can you guarantee that your and your partner’s spiritual life will stay strong forever, without anyone else’s help? Fellowship in a spiritual community will help you and your partner continue to hold on to the three points above. In addition, you will also be more encouraged in married life because of the support of other couples.

2. Be Open with Each Other

Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person, when prayed with faith, is very powerful. – James 5:16

What if your partner has one big secret that has been kept tightly hidden, which when revealed would cause your marriage to collapse instantly?

My spouse and I once experienced this. We both hid our problems for one simple reason: we did not want to hurt each other. At first glance, this seemed like the best choice. However, when one of us learned that secret from someone else, a great storm hit the ship of our marriage. A relationship that was once warm and smooth became very cold and stiff, simply because we were unwilling to take the risk of being open with each other from the start.

Openness is indeed not easy, and it certainly carries risks for the relationship itself.  By being open, you may be criticized or judged. However, believe this, being honest with your partner is far better than keeping a wound that will never fully close. 

3. Understand Your Partner’s Love Language

Know your partner’s love language so that you can meet his or her needs. According to Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages there are five kinds of love languages, namely:

• Words of Affirmation (Words of Affirmation)
• Quality Time (Quality Time)
• Gifts (Receiving Gifts)
• Acts of Service (Acts of Service)
• Touch (Physical Touch)

Each person has their own love language of their own. Some people feel loved when they are given praise or words of encouragement. Some rejoice when you spend time with them. Some feel cherished when they are given gifts, no matter how small the value. Some feel loved when you serve them. And some also rejoice when you give them a warm hug. 

Understanding your partner’s love language will help you build a strong marriage, especially in resolving conflict and meeting needs for love.

4. Learn to Manage Finances

“For which of you, wanting to build a tower, does not first sit down and estimate the cost, whether he has enough money to complete it?” – Luke 14:28  

At the beginning of marriage, many husbands promise to hand over financial management to their wives. Not a few wives also promise to manage the family finances well. In reality, not everything goes according to expectations. 

You and your partner need to think about and discuss the household budget. Family finances do not belong only to you, but also to your partner. 

Here are some tips for managing family finances:

• Make a Spending Budget

After marriage, you are no longer thinking only about your personal needs, but also about your partner’s needs. Prepare a regular budget, such as for electricity, house rent/mortgage payments, telephone, water, and so on. Once this budget has been paid, arrange other things that are no less important, such as food, children’s school fees, neighborhood dues, and so forth.

• Set Aside 10% of Your Income for Savings

It is very important for you and your partner to have savings to support the future and emergency needs. Set aside at least 10% of your income for savings. It would be even better if you could save more than that. If you have dreams of investing or buying something big, such as a house or a personal vehicle, be prepared to tighten your belt and avoid unnecessary expenses.

• Avoid Debt as Much as Possible

These days, there are many tempting loan promotions, especially credit cards. If you want to get a credit card, you should also think about the interest and installment payments. Can they still be covered by your spending budget (point 1)? 

5. Marriage Counseling

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. – Proverbs 15:22 

Whether we realize it or not, marriage has a major influence on a person’s psychological condition. Whatever happens in a household can change your and your partner’s character. This is why we need marriage counseling. 

I am grateful because in the GKDI community there are many people who helped my spouse and me with marriage counseling. This counseling was very beneficial when we started reaching a dead end in our efforts to find solutions to problems in the relationship. And we did not receive counseling only when we were having problems. We were helped in areas where we needed to grow and learn to build a healthy marriage.

As your wedding approaches, and even for years afterward, you and your partner need to keep building each other’s spiritual life, being open, understanding love languages, managing finances, and attending marriage counseling. With a strong and healthy marriage, you and your partner will not only find happiness, but also fulfill God’s plan. Amen!

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Church GKDI is currently present in 35 cities. We have Bible Study activities in every area. If you need information or would like to get involved, contact us at contact Church GKDI Official:

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