Understand Their World: Loving and Accepting Your Teenage Child

Entering the teenage years, your child's world is certainly very different from the world they had in childhood. The one who used to be obedient may now become defiant and unafraid to argue. You now find it hard to communicate with your child, and even have to face arguments that seem never-ending. On top of that, they often experience mood swings and act as they please. They come home late at night, and it is unclear who they were with and what they were doing.

Changes in the behavior of children entering their teenage years are an unavoidable process. Yet even if you feel desperate and tired, that does not mean you should stop loving them. You only need to know what causes their changes, and how to enter their world.

Here are things parents with teenage children need to understand:

A Changing Brain Structure

At this stage, you may find it hard to believe that the child you once held, loved, and cherished has become someone so different. But your child has not turned into another person; only their way of thinking has changed.

According to experts' research, the teenage brain is still actively developing, so the way it processes information is different from an adult brain. The brain's frontal lobe, which is the part that regulates emotions, decision-making, reasoning, and self-control, undergoes major growth during adolescence. This maturation process of the brain is only complete in the mid-twenties.

A teenager's ability to read and understand emotions on other people's faces is also different from that of adults. While adults use the front part of the frontal lobe to read emotional cues, teenagers rely on the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for emotional reactions. As a result, they often misread facial expressions. In fact, different looks from adults are often interpreted as being angry.

The World of Teenagers

Your teenage child may already be taller, bigger, and seem grown up. But in reality, their way of thinking is still immature in many ways.

During this period, teenagers are searching for their identity. They need affirmation, so they feel the need to prove themselves so they can be accepted in their social circle. For some, the level is still normal. But there are also those who show serious problems, such as skipping school, street racing, shoplifting,  smoking, drinking alcohol, committing violence, and even becoming involved in casual sex.

In addition, teenagers experience hormonal changes that are usually accompanied by significant emotional upheaval. They become easily angry, moody, more shy, rebellious, insecure, or feel joy and sadness excessively.

What this means is: as long as an heir is underage, he is no different from a servant, even though he is master of everything; but he is under guardians and managers until the time set by his father. – Galatians 4:1-2 

Although physical and psychological factors do play a role in this, that does not mean bad teenage behavior can be justified. They still have to be responsible for their actions. The information above is only meant to help parents understand and connect with their child, so that they can help them navigate the teenage world well.

So, what should parents do?

They Still Need to Be Loved

Your child is a unique person. God has created your child in such a way, one among nearly eight billion people, because they are special in His eyes.

And God never makes mistakes. Some children are created with a strong-willed nature, some are easy to shape. Whatever your teenage child's character, remember to keep accepting and loving them.

The emotional bond between you may be growing distant, because your child is pulling away from you and prefers to be with friends. Yet no matter how troublesome and irritating your child may be, they still need attention and love from their parents.

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, for love covers a multitude of sins. – 1 Peter 4:8 

Apply Discipline

Whoever spares the rod hates his child, but whoever loves his child disciplines him in time. – Proverbs 13:24

Even though your teenage child is learning to be independent and wants freedom, they still must do so within proper boundaries. Whether your child accepts it or not, you must uphold discipline at home, including:

• obeying curfew rules
• asking permission before going out, telling you who they are going with and where they are going
• school is the priority
• receiving consequences when breaking agreements, for example allowance being reduced / forfeited, not being allowed to go out after school, not being allowed to use a phone before homework is done, and so on.

Discipline and consequences indirectly teach your child to be responsible and make good choices when they are adults. They will also learn that out there, they cannot do whatever they want. Everything in this world has rules and boundaries that must be obeyed.

Teach Your Child to Fear God

Last but no less important, teach your teenage child to know and fear God. As a parent, you must also have the conviction that only God can change your teenage child.

A song of ascents. Of Solomon. Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. – Psalm 127:1a

Bring your teenage child in prayer. Persevere, be patient, and keep asking for wisdom so that you can love and deal with them. Guard your words and respect your child as a whole individual. You can only build closeness with your teenage child when you recognize their world. In addition, you can also ask for help from a community that has an active, spiritual, and edifying teenage environment.

Take heart, you can do it!

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References: www.verywellfamily.com/why-it-is-important-to-discipline-your-child-1094790 www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/helping-troubled-teens.htm

Related Articles:

• Spiritual Discipline: Why and How?
• Young and Trendy in God's Eyes: A Lifestyle That Pleases Him
• Parental Love: Prioritizing the Heart, Not Appearance
• Do These 7 Signs of a Happy Family Already Exist in Your Family?
• When a Child Compares Themselves: Is Comparison Really the Thief of Joy?

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