Devotionals

3 Tips for Parents Facing the Turbulent Teenage World

By ayu single · October 5, 2021 · 8 min read

The world of teenagers is a very complex world and full of turmoil. When children are still young, you may not worry too much, because they are still under your control.

However, as they enter the teenage years, you will find that your child is different. There are new phenomena, ways of thinking, ways of behaving, hobbies, and even new things they want to do. For example, they start paying attention to their appearance because they are starting to notice the opposite sex. They prefer being with their friends rather than with their parents. And there are many other things as well.

So, how can parents deal with this?

Falling in Love with the Opposite Sex

One of the most common parts of the teenage world that we encounter is the beginning of feelings of love. In other words, starting to fall in love. Some parents become very worried when their child starts liking a classmate or playmate. The child starts being busy with their phone. Sending messages and even talking on the phone until late at night.

Then, what do parents usually do? Parents start snooping through the child's phone, secretly reading their chats and even becoming overprotective. In the end, the child and the parents end up playing cat and mouse. You become restless and filled with various fears. The child also feels uncomfortable with the parents' attitude.

So how should parents respond to this phenomenon?

Actually, when children enter adolescence and begin to like the opposite sex, that is normal. It is proof that our children have natural attraction. It is also proof that they are growing into adults. However, because parents are already worried, afraid their child's schooling will be disrupted, afraid their child will fall into an unhealthy relationship, they often become panicked.

Here are things parents can do:

Invite your child to speak openly. When your child is honest, accept their feelings
Do not forbid children to fall in love. It is a normal feeling that cannot be avoided. What parents can do is explain the benefits and the harmful effects of dating at a young age
Explain the boundaries in a relationship between a man and a woman
Teach them and tell them why children are better off being friends than dating. For example, explain the purpose of dating and its risks to their studies. Teach them to understand that dating is meant for adults who are mature, independent, and ready for marriage
Invite your child to be open about the relationship, for example, where they go, with whom, and what activities they do
Give understanding and teach your child about a life partner who is in line with God's word.

Discipline your child, and he will give you peace and bring you joy – Proverbs 29:17

There is no need to panic when this mark of the teenage world appears. Make this phase an opportunity for parents to begin teaching their children and giving them knowledge about relationships between the opposite sex.

Do not let children get mistaken and wrong information from their friends or from other irresponsible parties.

Spending the Night at a Friend's House

Once, I remembered my teenage years. Playing with friends felt very fun and exciting. In fact, if possible, I did not want to go home. I wanted to spend time with my playmates for as long as possible.

Secretly, I hoped that we could live in the same house and spend the whole day together. Spending time telling stories, joking around, and going out, was certainly very enjoyable.

Even though the generation is different, that phenomenon still happens today. They also experience similar things. For example, suddenly my child may start asking permission to spend the night at a school friend's house or a close friend's house.

Some families or parents may allow their child to spend the night at the house of a friend they know. Others do not allow the child to stay anywhere overnight, except at home.

How should we respond to this issue?

Here are some tips for parents:

When your child asks permission to stay at a friend's house, make sure you know that friend and the family well. Make sure they have values that are in line with God's word. Why is this important?

Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good habits. – 1 Corinthians 15:33

The Bible teaches that good habits can be ruined by company that is bad. The same is true of your teenage child. Even if you instill good values from an early age, if their company is bad, they can be influenced by bad things. Little by little, the good habits that have been taught will be forgotten, even replaced by bad habits. For example, smoking, drinking alcohol, addiction to illegal drugs, and promiscuity.

Letting children spend the night at a friend's house whom you do not know is very risky. This is especially true if you have a daughter. You must give more direction, advice, and be more protective. Do not let the child receive bad treatment, such as sexual harassment. Or be invited to watch pornographic films, go to a nightclub, or have sexual relations.

2. You make boundaries or rules that are agreed upon by the child. For example, they are allowed to stay overnight at the house of a friend whom both the child and the parents know well. And the family also practices values that are in line with God's Word.

3. Sometimes, children do not stay still. They may use tricks by saying it is already too late, no one can pick them up, there is no transportation anymore, and so on. If possible, pick up the child. If that is not possible and the best option is to stay at the friend's house, make sure they are safe and do not do bad things.

You can video call to make sure they do not go out at night. Remind them not to do negative things, and to keep protecting themselves. The next day, ask what they did the previous night at their friend's house. Also remind them that next time they are not allowed to stay over and must come home.

Exploring the Teenage World Through Adventure

At one point, my son, who had already entered his teenage years, told me about how his friend had started riding a motorcycle on his own. I felt uneasy. A thought crossed my mind, “Could I sincerely let him go ride on roads full of danger?”

However, what I feared happened as well. My son began riding a motorcycle by himself. I was very worried, so I often prayed for God's protection when he rode. Forbidding him was not a good option either. How long could he keep being taken everywhere? After all, one day, they must also be able to be independent. They cannot keep depending on their parents.

Besides riding, teenagers usually also begin to want the freedom to explore their teenage world. Some start liking traveling with their friends, without parental supervision. Teenage girls may start enjoying parties and hanging out.

Meanwhile, boys usually start becoming interested in racing or doing activities that pump adrenaline. They like challenges and achievement. For example, my son. When he entered adolescence, he started asking permission to hike and camp in the mountains.

So, how should we as parents respond to these things?

You can accompany your child to explore new things he wants to try. For example, camping or going on a camping trip with the family.
If it is not possible for parents to accompany them, you can suggest the idea to the PIC (person in charge) of your child's spiritual community to hold that activity. That way, children who like adventure can go together, but still under the supervision of mentor-mentors who can be trusted.
If your child is interested in activities that are too dangerous, such as skydiving, bungee jumping, and so on, direct them to switch to other activities with lower risk.

The teenage world is very complex and full of turmoil. There are still many other phenomena that you will face as they grow older. This is something normal. However, do not lose heart. Be diligent in seeking advice and input from other parents who also have teenage and adult children.

Learn from them. Learn from their mistakes and successes in raising children. An African proverb says, “It takes a village to raise a child.” It means it takes a whole village to raise a child. It takes hard work and cooperation from many people.

May our sons be like plants that grow up strong in their youth; and our daughters like corner pillars, carved for a palace. – Psalm 144:12

In the end, as parents, of course we want our teenage children someday to become people who are successful and useful in their lives. But more than all of that, there is something far more important, namely that they can become people who fear God. So, whatever the phenomena and turmoil in the teenage world may be, teach them based on the truth of God's word.

Good luck!

Reference: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_takes_a_village

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