3 Mindsets for Loving People Who Are Hard to Love

Loving people who are kind, pleasant, and who also love us is not difficult. 

Matthew 5:46 says, “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?” Loving kind people is not hard. Even people who do not know God are able to do that (Matthew 5:47). In reality, even as followers of Christ, sometimes we may complain when we meet people who are hard to love. 

In response to this, a leader in my community said, “Wherever you are, there will always be people who are hard to love.” Why? The answer is simple: Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17). 

God uses our friction with others to make us grow. If every individual around us were kind, we would not grow. In fact, it is through the people who make our lives uncomfortable that God shapes our character to be more patient, more steadfast, more forgiving, and so on.

Recognize the mindset (mindset) we need to have so that we are able and willing to try even harder (go the extra mile) in loving people who are hard for us to love. 

1. Loving Requires Perseverance

Love in the “Blue Glue” Era - Is This How We Love? There is an anecdote about a husband and wife that goes something like this: “How did you live together as husband and wife for 65 years?” The answer: “We were born in a time when if something was broken, we fixed it, not threw it away.”

I think we now live in a time when if something is broken, we throw it away, or what we call “blue glue” (throw it away, buy a new one), rather than fixing it. Phone or computer broken? Blue glue! This is a mindset we unconsciously have today. It becomes so easy for us to “blue-glue” people who are hard to love, in other words, to give up on loving them. Yet this is not what God wants. God wants us to ... Persevere and Keep Persevering Loving requires perseverance. People who are hard to love are not objects that, if their presence makes life difficult and complicated, can simply be ‘thrown away’ or ‘dismissed,’ then replaced with others.

On the other hand, it may be that we also need to examine ourselves. Is there an attitude in you that triggers that person to act annoyingly toward you? If so, first correct yourself. If not, perhaps this is the time for you to expand your capacity to love by continuing to be patient and to persevere. 

It does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. – 1 Corinthians 13:6-7

2. Loving in Good Times and Hard Times

As I write this article, I am struggling to love someone who is hard to love. I feel like just giving up. “If this person keeps making things complicated, that is it, maybe we should stop being partners / friends!” 

But then suddenly Job 2:10 came to mind: 

But Job answered her, "You are speaking like a foolish woman! Shall we accept good from God, and not accept adversity?" In all this, Job did not sin with his lips.

When our parents are irritating, do we also remember the beautiful moments with them? When our spouse, husband, wife, child, younger sibling, older sibling, or friend is irritating, do we also remember that we have had beautiful moments with them too. Eating together, going out, having fun, joking around, watching together, and so on. 

Do we only want to accept the beautiful moments, but when they begin to become weak, sickly, aging, become irritating, provoke our emotions, their faith wavers, then we just leave them behind? 

Job kept loving and did not leave God, both in joy and in sorrow. So, we need to love God and also people in every situation. Not only when that person is pleasing to us, but also when he or she is being irritating. 

Usually, people do not become irritating for no reason. Maybe they are going through a heavy struggle, so they behave unpleasantly toward us. In times like these, our support is exactly what they need most. They need our presence, patience, encouragement, time, attention, and love. 

Just imagine, if God did not care and even kept His distance when we fell into sin, were weak, depressed, or spiritually weak? Would we not become even more broken? Yet God has never left us in the slightest. Therefore, it is only right that we love others in every season, in the beautiful times as well as the hard times of life.

3. Loving by God's Standard (Agape)

There are four kinds of love in Greek:

• Agape: God's love for humanity
• Philia: friendship or brotherly love (brotherly love)
• Storge: love for family members
• Eros: love for the opposite sex (sensual or romantic love) 

There is no command from God that is impossible for us to obey. When God asks us to live holy lives, that means we are able to live holy lives. When He asks us to love according to His standard (agape), that means we can love at that level.

Simply put, agape is “even if” love, not “if” love (conditional). For example:

“I will love him or her even if …” 

Not, “I will love him or her if …”

Agape agape is unconditional love, which does not depend on how others respond to us. This is the love God expects us to give to Him and also to other people. 

“A new command I give you: Love one another; just as I have loved you, so you also must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.” – John 13:34-35

This is how we know the love of Christ, that He laid down His life for us; so we also ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. – 1 John 3:16

When we are in the midst of people who are hard for us to love, that is the time for us to level up in love. Maybe all this time our love for others has still been at the level of eros, philia, or storge. God wants us to love at the level of agape. Which means that no matter what others do, no matter how irritating their attitude is, we still show love to them. 

Loving people who are hard to love is indeed not easy. It is not as easy as saying it. It is not as easy as turning over the palm of your hand. Yet this is something possible, because it is God's own command. To do it, we need to keep persevering, keep loving in beautiful times and hard times, and love by God's own standard, namely agape. Amen. The Lord Jesus bless you.  - References: www.pinterest.com/pin/446278644294938551/ www.learnreligions.com/agape-love-in-the-bible-700675 www.learnreligions.com/types-of-love-in-the-bible-700177

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• Love Heals Both the Giver and the Receiver
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