Tips for a Successful, Lasting, and Happy LDR

Are you currently in an LDR (long-distance relationship)? Whether because of physical distance or certain circumstances (for example, the COVID-19 pandemic), some people are forced to be in a long-distance relationship with their partner .

This has the potential to become a new problem in a relationship, but it can also be a blessing, as long as we are able to manage it well. What benefits can come from an LDR, and how can you successfully build a long-distance relationship?

Things You Can Learn from an LDR

1. Guarding the Purity of the Relationship

For this is the will of God: your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality. – Thessalonians 4:3  

God wants us to be holy, whether when we are alone or single, or when dating. 1 Peter 1:16 says, “Be holy, for I am holy.” With limited opportunities to meet, you will find it easier to guard the purity of your relationship.

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. – Galatians 5:24

2. Having Room to Develop Yourself

While you are in an exclusive relationship, your focus is naturally divided. There is one more person you must love. The more opportunities you have to meet, the more time and attention will naturally be taken up by that person. It is not impossible for this to make you neglect your own need to grow in many areas.

While you are young, there are many things we can do. There is much character that we can develop and train, as well as skills and knowledge that we can improve. We also have more time to build our relationship with God and with others. Your youth is a precious opportunity that will not come again.

So, for those of you who are in an LDR, congratulations! You have more room to grow many things, such as the fruit of the Spirit in the following verse:

But the fruit of the Spirit is: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. There is no law against such things. – Galatians 5:22-23

Tips for Successfully Living Out an LDR

Even though it is built across a distance, that does not mean your relationship with your partner will surely become shallow. Many people succeed in living out an LDR, even to the point of marriage. What is the secret?

1. Build Good Communication

Even if you rarely meet in person, that does not automatically mean your relationship will not go well. With the sophistication of technology, the messages we want to convey can be delivered quickly and efficiently, even without face-to-face contact.

Speaking of communication, there are two important things you need to practice:

Listening

My beloved brothers and sisters, remember this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. – James 1:19

Sometimes, even when people meet often and live near each other, a relationship still does not go well because of a lack of ability to “listen.” We forget that our partner’s opinions, feelings, and thoughts matter. So, give your partner the opportunity to speak, while you listen attentively. In this way, you can have a healthy long-distance relationship.

If your communication is already good even while you are apart, then later, when you are no longer in an LDR, the two of you will surely have an even more wonderful relationship.

Express Expectations

Listening and expressing expectations are two things that cannot be separated. Whether in a close-distance or long-distance relationship, both must always be practiced. Not only during conflict, but also when things are going well and peaceful.

Some people always listen to their partner, but never communicate their expectations. As a result, they become burdened because they never express what is in their heart and mind.

There are also people who always express their expectations to their partner, but never want to listen. As a result, they become demanding, and over time their partner cannot bear dealing with them.

Listening and expressing expectations must be lived out in balance. Practice asking about your partner’s feelings and expectations. Also practice listening to your partner, and give them the opportunity to express their feelings and expectations to you. And vice versa. In this way, the two of you will not only have good communication, but also a strong foundation for building the relationship in the next stage.

2. Focus on Giving, Not Receiving

Try asking yourself, what thought appears more often in your mind while you are in a relationship: “What can I get from them?” Or, “What can I give to them?”

A healthy relationship is one that focuses on giving, not receiving. A healthy relationship is not based on the thought, “I am made complete because of you,” but, “I am already complete and full in God, even without you. Together with you, my joy and happiness overflow, and this is what I will share with you.”

Because you are full in God, your partner’s presence makes you want even more to share that fullness and joy. However, if you are not full in God, you will hope that your partner will come to complete your life. As a result, you become a person who is demanding, always asking your partner to give more and more.

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.” – Acts 20:35b

What can you give to your partner? According to Gary Chapman, in his book The 5 Love Languages, there are five kinds of love languages:

• Words of affirmation (encouraging words)
• Physical touch (physical touch)
• Quality time (quality time)
• Acts of service (service)
• Gifts (gifts)

-

Even though you are far apart, some of these love languages can still be expressed. For example, by sending encouraging words through chat, or often saying “I love you.” You can also set aside quality time with your partner by phone, video call, or send gifts using a courier service.

Keep in mind that the five expressions of affection above are only a guide, not an official standard. The point is the willingness to understand and respond to each other’s love language, not to force your own love language on your partner.

By both having the same mindset of giving to one another, surely the two of you will be able to get through, and even enjoy, a relationship that is far apart.

A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will himself be refreshed. – Proverbs 11:25

Long-distance dating or an LDR is not always difficult. It can actually create new positive opportunities, such as guarding purity and having room to develop yourself. Above all, you need to build good communication and focus on giving, not receiving. May you enjoy a relationship full of love, all you LDR fighters!

-

Reference: www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained

Related Articles:

• Conflict with Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend: An Opportunity to Improve Relationship Quality
• An Effective Way to Speak the Truth in Love to Your Partner
• Build These Things During Dating
• It’s All About Love! The Definition of Love According to the Bible
• Build These Things During Dating

-