Avoiding Heartbreak During PDKT

Of course, no one wants to experience heartbreak. But sometimes heartbreak is unavoidable, whether because of a breakup after dating, or because your love is unreturned during the getting-to-know-you stage (PDKT). 

One time, I was talking with a friend who wanted a boyfriend, but was afraid of building a friendship with someone of the opposite sex. When I asked why, she answered, “I’m afraid of heartbreak. Afraid that the other person doesn’t feel the same way, afraid of beingled on (given false hope).” From that conversation, I concluded that we can be afraid of heartbreak even before a relationship begins.

If so, can we anticipate heartbreak? Of course. Let’s look at a few tips: 

Anticipating Heartbreak

1. Entrust Your Relationship to God

When you want to begin a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, do you bring that relationship before God by praying for it? If you include God in your relationship, does that mean you will not experience heartbreak? 

Not necessarily. 

I was once quite close to someone. Because of that closeness, I was fairly optimistic about our relationship. Even so, I kept bringing our relationship to God in prayer. Then, one day, he called me and said, “I already have a girlfriend.”

His words made me deeply sad, and I kept thinking about it all day. Then I remembered that all this time, I had already fought for it and prayed about that relationship. In fact, the day that bad news was delivered was the day I was fasting. I quickly realized: God is in control of everything, and God knows what is best for me.

It did not take long to mend my broken heart. You could say I only needed one day to recover. Two days later, I was already able to talk about it normally (without crying) and go about my activities as usual. 

To this day, I have never blamed God for what happened. When I prayed and fasted, I enjoyed those moments with God. And God also often answers my prayers. These moments became my strength, especially in times when my faith weakens and I begin to doubt the power of prayer. 

Yes, this experience made me grow and learn: It’s not about I fell in love with him, but about falling in love with Him—this is not about falling in love with him, but about falling in love with Him.

Security Is Found in God

Heartbreak is very possible in the process of building a relationship. But when you bring it to God, even if something bad happens, you will feel secure. You will not keep blaming yourself with thoughts like, “Why did it turn out this way? I should have been more like this, more like that…”

By entrusting your relationship to God, you will be more relaxed in facing heartbreak. You know there is Someone who controls your life, and if He allows this to happen, it means He loves you. Trust God’s plan, and trust God’s timing for you. He is the God who created you, and He knows exactly what and who is best for you. 

Come now, you who say: "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, carry on business, and make a profit," yet you do not know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say: “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” – James 4:13-15 

Though he falls, he will not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand. – Psalm 37:24

For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity. – Proverbs 24:16

2. Build Friendship with the Right Person

"Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet and turn and tear you to pieces." – Matthew 7:6

To avoid heartbreak, you need to give your heart to the right person. Love is not blind. Do not give your precious heart to someone who cannot value it. Look more deeply into his or her character. If you give your heart to someone who likes to lie, is unfaithful, is a drunkard, or worse, does not fear God, do not be surprised if one day that person breaks your heart.

You need to be wise, even when you are just beginning a friendship with someone of the opposite sex. Of course you hope that the relationship you are building will move on to the next stage. Therefore, be selective from the start. This will not only keep you from heartbreak, but also from problems that may happen in the future.

3. Have Healthy Expectations

Because in the common view and in certain cultures, men are considered the ones who act proactively to ask a woman to be their partner, we will discuss this point from the woman’s perspective. 

I once heard a piece of advice that said, “Before you start dating, don’t give your heart 100%. Be friends with many people, and don’t expect too much from one person.”

In friendship, when a man starts frequently chatting or calling us, there is a possibility that we will place higher expectations on him. We begin to imagine that he is serious about us and will definitely choose us to be his girlfriend. 

When this happens, remember that if women can be selective about who will become their partner, men can too. When a man begins to give you more attention, that does not mean he will definitely make you his girlfriend. In order to get to know you, he needs to build a friendship first. Otherwise, how could he get to know you more deeply?

During this period, you need to keep your feelings balanced with logic. You may hope, and you may care more for him than for others. However, you also need to have healthy hopes or expectations. When your imagination grows excessively, and you begin imagining a dating relationship or marriage, it means you have become too carried away. 

In the PDKT phase, focus on getting to know him better. Of course you do not want to fall in love, much less later spend your life with the wrong person. Do not let yourself regret not making the best use of your time to dig deeper into your prospective partner.

While you are still single, you have many choices. But once you are married, you cannot turn back, because God does not desire divorce. Instead of daydreaming or imagining too much, use the PDKT period to get to know the prospective boyfriend better. This will keep your heart and mind healthy. 

Hope only in God, because He will not disappoint you. 

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope comes from Him. – Psalm 62:5

4. Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst

In this world, there is nothing without risk. Even when you do nothing, risk still exists. When you build friendship with someone of the opposite sex, there is a risk of heartbreak, being given false hope, being left hanging without clarity, and so on. But when you do nothing, there is also a risk, namely that you will not move forward anywhere. Time keeps passing and you remain in the same place. 

A proverb says that if you dare to play with fire, you must be ready to be burned. When you are ready to fall in love, you must also be ready for a breakup. When you are ready to begin a relationship, you must also be ready to end one. This does not mean we expect bad things to happen. We need to hope for the best, but we also need to be prepared for the worst. 

How do you do that? Bring your relationship to God in prayer (point 1), and trust that God has the best plan for your life.

Do your best, prepare for the worst—then trust God to bring victory. – Proverbs 21:31 MSG (Proverbs 21:31)

Do Not Be Afraid of Heartbreak

Heartbreak during PDKT is normal. But if it can be avoided, why not? Entrust your relationship to God. Build friendship with the right person. Keep your expectations healthy, and be ready for both the best and the worst. In this way, you can avoid unnecessary heartbreak. Do not let fear of a breakup make you close yourself off from friendship with the opposite sex. 

Happy starting a friendship!

-

Churches GKDI has churches in 35 cities in Indonesia. If you would like to join a personal Bible study (Personal Bible Sharing), a Bible Discussion, need counseling help, or would like to attend Sunday worship or other church activities, please fill out the form below.

If you have questions or need other information, please contact us through the following WhatsApp 0821 2285 8686 .

Enjoy our worship playlist at the following link: http://bit.ly/gkdi-music

And, find more interesting & inspiring content through our social media:

Website: https://gkdi.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GKDIOfficial/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gkdiofficial/
Blog: https://gkdi.org/blog/
Youtube: https://bit.ly/yt-gkdi
Whatsapp: https://bit.ly/gkdi-wa

Music Videos: