Divorce: Reflect on These 8 Questions Before Deciding!

Becoming one does not mean we must lose ourselves to become like our spouse. Each of us must remain a unique person so that marriage stays full of color. Becoming one means every decision in marriage is no longer just for ourselves but also for our spouse, because they have become one body with us.

Divorce, if it must happen, does not wound just one or two people, but the whole extended family.

"Thus they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate." (Mat 19:6)

Have you worked through these 8 questions before making a final decision?

1. Do you still have love for your spouse?

Divorce sometimes speaks of love and hate at the same time. We love our spouse, but some of their attitudes we can no longer tolerate. Try thinking again, after divorcing, can you really cast aside those feelings of love? Or afterward will you still hold on to very deep feelings of hatred? Your life still will not be happy after divorce if you have not resolved these feelings of love and hate. Try looking at your spouse from a different point of view. Try weighing again which feeling is greater, love or hate?

2. Have you truly been 'married' all this time?

Marriage means becoming 'we,' not me and you. All this time, have you only been a person who thinks about what is best for yourself and not for us? All this time, have you felt threatened by your spouse's strengths and failed to see that their success is also your success? Is this divorce good for everyone, or only good for your own interests?

3. Are you truly ready for the divorce process, or are you just being carried away by emotion?

Marriage means dealing with two very different minds. Marriage means blending two different backgrounds. It is impossible for there to be no arguments throughout a marriage. Sometimes differences create only a small fire, but not rarely they also stir up a great fire of conflict. In the middle of a major fight, all kinds of decisions can be spoken out just like that. When we are angry, we never think about tomorrow, about yesterday's happiness, about the children.  Think again, is your decision the right decision? Every decision must pass through three doors: is it true, is it important, and is it good to say? Do not let this be only a moment of anger that you will later regret.

4. Have you asked a neutral third party?

After being married for so long, we and our spouse can become too attached. We can no longer see each other clearly. We need the opinion of a third party who has distance and does not take sides. Friends or family sometimes cannot be neutral. Unintentional partiality can create even bigger problems. So seeking a marriage counselor is one alternative that can be taken.  Look for a marriage counselor with a good reputation and one who makes both of you comfortable. If you do not trust one counselor, there is nothing wrong with looking for another counselor for comparison. But whatever the counselors say, the answer in your heart is what matters most. Their opinions are only input, not an obligation.  Use their input to calm your emotions and understand the situation. Come back when your feelings are calmer. Come back when you have a cool head and will not throw out words that wound your spouse.

5. What do you truly want from this divorce?

When you decide to divorce, is it because you need peace and are already tired? Have you made peace with this marriage and feel there is nothing more that can be done? Or is this divorce only for revenge? Many people divorce so that their spouse will come to their senses and realize how deeply they have hurt them. If you hope that through this divorce your spouse will realize how much you have sacrificed and then regret it, this will never happen. This will only bring a longer pain. If you want your spouse to know how you feel, talk to them. Do not wait until divorce happens.

6. Have you resolved your own inner conflicts before getting married?

Many of our personal conflicts eventually become mixed in with marriage problems. Problems with family, the wrong patterns of upbringing we received, our unresolved past. After marriage, we often fight not because we are angry with each other, but because our background issues are still unresolved. Think again. Could it be that your anger is not toward your spouse, but toward your inability to work and meet your targets at the office? Could it be that your spouse is actually fine, but you are the one who is unable to deal with your extended family and your social environment? You must be able to place things properly and not make your spouse the projection of all your problems.

7. Are you ready to handle all the consequences of divorce?

So many things will arise in a divorce. The inner wounds experienced by children, financial problems and division of responsibilities, the attention of family, and the response of your social environment. Are you ready to face all of it? Do you already have answers for the children's questions and the extended family's questions? Are you ready to stand on your own and face everything that comes as a result of this separation?

8. Can you be responsible for yourself?

Can you take care of yourself after all this separation? Can you face a new world and then heal yourself? Can you make yourself feel at peace after everything that has happened?

Once again, divorce means the loss of one dream of becoming a happy family. Are you ready to hear what people out there will say and have a way to comfort yourself?

Are you now able to say to yourself, "I truly have done everything to save my marriage, but there is truly nothing more I can give. I am trying to make peace with myself. I do not hate myself or anyone."

Divorce is not an easy thing, whether before or after it happens. Set aside time to answer these many questions. Involve several people who may be able to help you. Ask God to bring you to people who can think clearly and give the best solution. Never feel alone. There are many people you can talk to and share with.

* Church GKDI is currently present in 35 cities. We have Bible Study activities in every area. If you need information or would like to get involved, contact us at contact Church GKDI Official:WhatsApp 0821 2285 8686 or Facebook / Instagram GKDI Official

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