Parental Affection: Prioritizing the Heart, Not Appearances

Some people grow up without parental figures. Others grow up with a father and mother, or one of them, yet scarcely feel parental affection. Do not misunderstand; most parents have actually tried to fulfill their role. Managing the household, earning a living, making the family happy, setting aside time. Yet these sacrifices are often made with appearances as the priority, not the heart.

Perhaps we do not mean it that way. It is simply a habit done unconsciously. So, how can you become a parent who prioritizes the heart, not appearances?

Here are several ways you can apply.

1. Be a parent who dares to try new things

Before becoming a parent, you surely once experienced how you were treated as a child. So, you can begin showing parental affection by taking action: not doing what you disliked from your own parents. Or instead, doing what your parents did not do.

If your parents used to hit, why should that be carried on? If your parents never hugged you and you experienced bitterness because of it, why not begin trying to hug and kiss your child more often?

“You know how, like a father with his children, we have advised you and encouraged each one of you.” (1 Thessalonians 2:11)

2. Do not ask, "What did my child do?" but ask, "Why is my child doing this?

Trying to think about why a child does something means putting ourselves in their position. Not higher or lower, but side by side. Trying to ask why he does something will create room for a child to know that we are on his side no matter what happens. We will continue to love him even if he makes mistakes. Parental affection for him will not decrease just because he does not do something perfectly.

“Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” (Colossians 3:12-14)

3. Protect your child from feelings of shame

Who among us does not clearly remember the times when we were humiliated? Scolding a child in front of their friends, for example, will destroy their self-worth. Feelings of shame can make a child collapse inward and lose confidence. Even more than that, the child will feel that no one loves them for who they are.

Just because they are still children does not mean they do not feel the same emotional complexity as adults. If you yourself do not want to be humiliated, do not treat your child that way.

For the whole law is summed up in this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself!" (Galatians 5:14)

4. Parental affection: harsh is not the same as firm

A number of studies prove that harsh words toward children have a harmful effect on the development of their brain cells. In the long term, this has the potential to lower intelligence. Children who are treated harshly tend to grow into people who are insecure, temperamental, selfish, and apathetic. They are also at higher risk of experiencing stress and depression.

Anger is human. Children are not always sweet and obedient. However, there are many ways to speak even when you are angry. Choose good sentences that do not make a child feel cornered. Harsh words can make your relationship grow distant. Besides that, a child will imitate what they receive. Surely you do not want them to regard harsh behavior as normal, do you?

“Fathers, do not embitter your children, lest they become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21)

5. Treat children with respect

Perhaps we think parental affection is sufficiently shown by meeting a child's needs and giving them a proper education. We forget that they also need emotional support. Too often we look down on children. Listening to a child while watching soccer. Saying half-hearted words when a child shows their work.

The habit of seeing a child as a disturbance or a source of inconvenience will stay in their minds into adulthood. This can lower a child's level of trust in you. It is not impossible that your upbringing will also be taken lightly by them.

“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,  but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

6. Avoid unrealistic expectations

Sometimes we expect our children to do everything perfectly just like adults. When a child spills a drink, we curse with words like “stupid, idiot.” When a child tries to get your shoes for you, then you say, "Ah, you can't do it yet, you're still little!"

Familiar with the sentences above?

Just as you once needed room and time to learn many things gradually, your child needs the same. Avoid placing your ideal expectations on your child just because it looks good in the eyes of others.

Let us learn to look into the hearts of our children, so that later when they are grown, they will look at us with their hearts as well. Adapted and developed from Dad in the Mirror by Patrick Morley and David Delk

* Church GKDI currently exists in 35 cities. We have Bible Study activities in every area; if you need information or would like to get involved, contact us at contact Church GKDI Official:WhatsApp 0821 2285 8686 or Facebook / Instagram GKDI Official

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