3 Important Principles to Remember Before Changing a Man

Has it ever crossed your mind to change a man, such as your husband or boyfriend ?

“I want my boyfriend to be like this and that...”

“Why isn’t he sensitive? Why can’t he lead?...”

Do you relate to the statements above? Or perhaps, right now you are trying various ways to change your husband or boyfriend, but have not succeeded yet? 

Maybe before you try any further, it would be good for you to pay attention to the following principles.

Principles to Remember Before Changing a Man

1. God Gives the Growth

I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. – 1 Corinthians 3:6  

In this verse, it is clearly written that Paul planted, Apollos watered. And God gives growth. This verse pierces me personally in many ways. I often forget that in this life, God gives the growth. My part is only to plant. And we need the help of other people, as those who water.

In many areas, as women, we may hope that we can change other people. More specifically, men. Is that wrong? It is not wrong, especially if that hope is for that person’s good. However, we need to remember that growth is God’spart. Our part is to plant, not to give growth. The results belong to God; we can only do our best. 

Sometimes we can forget this principle. It is no wonder, as humans, we focus only on results. If the results do not match our expectations, we become frustrated and start complaining, “Why doesn’t my partner ever change?”

If we think that way, be careful. It could be that we are being consumed by our own ego We begin wanting to be like God, the One who gives growth. Even though, our part is only to “plant.” But how do we plant? Let’s look further.  

Pray 

The “planting” part that we can do is by praying. We need to pray for our partner or husband that he may grow in the areas where he still needs to grow. 

What kind of growth do we want to see in our partner? Do you want your partner to be more spiritual, God-fearing, loving, diligent, sensitive, helpful, to have emotions that are more stable? Pray for all of that specifically to God.

We can also pray that God will give us patience and wisdom about what we need to do. Because surely we are not perfect either. To have a relationship that is good, we also need to change for the better. Pray and ask God, “In what area do I need to become better? What does God want me to practice and learn in a situation like this?”

Your prayer for someone may or may not change them, but it always changes YOU.

– Craig Groeschel

“Your prayer for someone may or may not change them, but it always changes YOU.” – Craig Groeschel

Pray. Do this “planting” part by continuing to pray. It is not our role to give growth. So let us humble ourselves before God, asking Him to give growth to our husband or partner. 

Planting and Watering with the Right Attitude

Keep planting with a good attitude of heart. Not complaining, not getting angry, not with emotion, but full of joy. A woman’s bad attitude will not help a man; instead it makes a man feel disrespected and unappreciated.

Do all things without grumbling and arguing, 

so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like stars in the world – Philippians 2:14-15

Besides planting, there needs to be someone who waters. We cannot do everything ourselves. Ask for help from others to water as well. Involve his mentor. God does not permit a woman to teach a man (1 Timothy 2:12). A woman should submit to her husband ( Ephesians 5:22) and be a helper. One attitude of being a helper is involving his mentor, who is also a fellow man. Let men guide men. If you feel that you and your partner need a mentor, you can contact us through the contact below. 

If you have planted and others have watered, what should you do? Leave the result to God, because He is the One who gives growth. 

2. Change with Actions, not Words

Likewise, wives, submit to your husbands, so that if any of them do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see how pure and reverent their wives’ lives are. – 1 Peter 3:1-2

This verse clearly gives a very practical principle about how to change a man. Often, women want to change men with words. For example, “You should be like this or that...” The Word of God clearly says that is not the way. We change men through our actions, not with words. When a man sees how godly and pure his wife’s life is, he will be inspired to change. 

This means that when we want to change a man, we, as women, must change first. This advice may not be pleasant to hear, but that is what the Word of God says. And we all know His Word is never wrong. 

In what ways do women need to change? Of course, there is still much in which we need to grow. If we want our partner to be diligent, have we become diligent people ourselves? If we want to be understood, have we also understood our partner? 

Our words, attitudes, and gestures need our attention. Sometimes, as women, our words can be sarcastic, cold, and fail to show respect to a man when his attitude does not match our expectations. Do our words build up more, or tear down? Are we still living according to God’s will?

“If you want to change the world, start with yourself.” – Mahatma Gandhi

3. Keep Submitting to and Respecting Men

Still referring to 1 Peter 3:1-2, but we will look at it from a different point of view. We will focus on this point, “Wives, submit to your husbands, so that if any of them do not obey the word…”

In this verse, we can see that a woman must submit to her husband in any condition. Whether the man fears God or not. Why must she still submit? The answer is in the next sentence.

“So that if any of them do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see how pure and godly their wives’ lives are.”

As humans, sometimes we want to see first, and only then believe. We want our husband to be good or obedient first, and only then are we willing to submit. However, God’s principle says the opposite. A woman needs to submit first to her husband, even in less-than-ideal circumstances. In that way, the man who sees how godly his wife’s life is can change.

Besides submitting, we also need to continue respecting him. Just because he is less agile, we should not speak in a raised tone. Just because he is less careful, we should not keep getting angry at home. Remember, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. The same is true of you in your partner’s eyes. With all your weaknesses you still want to be loved, don’t you? The same is true of your partner. 

What if your partner even commits domestic violence? You need help from others, through counseling, for example. You can contact us through the contact below if you need counseling. 

But overall, do you still submit to and respect your husband, regardless of all his weaknesses? 

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body.  – Ephesians 5:22-23

In the end, before we close this discussion, let us answer this question, “Who can change your partner? Us or God?” Of course, God can. The Word of God says that we plant, but God gives the growth. What can we do in this matter of “planting”? We can pray specifically for the growth of his character. We also need to pray for our own hearts and for the areas where we still need to grow,

Besides that, when we want others to change, we also need to change. Change through our actions. Inspire our partner with our attitude that remains God-fearing, respectful, and submissive  to our partner, even when their attitude does not match our expectations. Do our part as a helper with joy and a good attitude. That is what we can do to help a man change. We plant, others water, and God gives the growth. Amen. Keep going!

Reference: www.quotefancy.com/quote/43613/Craig-Groeschel-Your-prayer-for-someone-may-or-may-not-change-them-but-it-always-changes -  Related Articles:

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