Cultivate Your “Field”: Build These Traits Before Starting a Special Relationship (1)

Once upon a time, there were two farmers working their own fields. Both prayed for rain that had not fallen on their village for a long time. The difference was, the first farmer only asked for rain, but did nothing. The second farmer not only asked for rain, but also worked hard to cultivate his field. He kept planting, tending, and watering his field as usual. 

If you had the ability to send down rain, to which farmer would you be willing to give it? The first farmer who only asked? Or the second farmer who asked and still cultivated his field? Personally, I would certainly send rain to the second farmer, who prays and also cultivates his field. 

As a single / unmarried person, praying for the presence of a boyfriend, girlfriend, or life partner is only natural. But the question is, are you also “cultivating your field” while praying and waiting for the “rain” to come in your life? What does that mean, and how do you do it?

Why Cultivate the Field?

What does “cultivating the field” mean in this context? 

I often hear people say, “Be patient, okay …” to those who are still waiting for a life partner. Or, “Just enjoy your single season, because it will never come again.” What they are saying is not wrong. The problem is, is the relationship we dream of something easy, something we can enjoy without any preparation at all?

In reality, dating is not as simple as people imagine. After dating, of course you hope to enter the next phase of life, namely marriage. But have you ever reflected on whether you are truly ready to live out the relationship you want so badly ? This question may rarely be asked, but you need to think about it carefully. 

Do not let yourself insist on asking for a life partner, but when God gives one, you are not ready. As a result, that season and relationship that should have been beautiful instead become a boomerang to yourself. 

Start working on the areas of your life’s field that have long been neglected. Train yourself so that you are ready to step into the relationship you have longed for all this time. Here are the first four areas you need to cultivate before entering a dating relationship:

Area 1: Relationship with God

Beloved, let us love one another, for love comes from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. – 1 John 4:7

I once heard it said that our relationship with someone special should be a triangle of love. Why is that? The triangle here means that you and your partner are at the two bottom corners, pointing upward to one top point, namely God. 

How will you build a healthy relationship if you yourself do not have a right relationship with God? A healthy relationship must have a foundation. Like building a house, if the foundation is not strong, the building will easily collapse. The same is true of your relationship with your future partner. 

On what things will you build your relationship? There is no better foundation than God Himself, because God is love. And we must draw near to the source of love itself so that we can love the people around us. 

Seek God and take time to draw closer to Him while you are still single. Make God your highest priority. So that when you meet that special person, you can bring all the joy and fullness you have in God into your relationship. What a wonderful relationship you will have!

Area 2: Communication

Let your words always be full of grace, never bland, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. – Colossians 4:6

Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up, when needed, so that it may give grace to those who hear. – Ephesians 4:29

According to a study, poor communication is the main cause of divorce. While single, you may think, “Ah, communication isn’t hard.” I used to think the same way. In reality, I often experienced conflict with others because of miscommunication, or misunderstandings in communication. 

How good are you at communicating your desires or intentions? Try checking by looking at how you interact with the people around you. Do you have a good relationship with your parents, older siblings, or younger siblings? Do you often misunderstand or argue because of differences of opinion with those closest to you? If so, it may mean you need to learn to communicate better.

The saying “Men are from Mars and women are from Venus” from the book of the same title describes the stark differences between men and women. They have different ways of thinking and processing things mentally, which will most likely affect how they communicate. 

Therefore, cultivate your field in the area of communication. Ask those closest to you what your way of communicating has been like. Are they comfortable talking with you? Based on their feedback, you can evaluate yourself and practice so that you can communicate even better. 

Area 3: Sensitivity

I once heard a snippet of song lyrics that said, “Hey, listen to what we’re not saying.” Listen to what we are not saying. In a relationship, there will always be expectations. And sometimes, not all of those expectations can always be expressed in words. 

Honestly, I am not in the category of people who are sensitive either. That is why I often say to those closest to me, “I’m not a fortune teller, so please tell me what you want, what you feel, or the things I need to do.” It is true that everyone needs to learn to communicate their feelings, but there will certainly be times when we must be sensitive to the needs of others. 

For example, when your partner is sad, they may not immediately say, “Please support me.” But if you are sensitive enough, you can catch that message. It is also unlikely that your partner would say, “It’s my birthday today. Please wish me a happy birthday.” 

Our sensitivity will greatly affect our ability to build a sweeter relationship, and it will keep us from many unnecessary problems. 

… doing nothing out of selfish ambition or empty praise. Instead, with humility consider one another more important than yourselves; and let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. – Philippians 2:3-4

In the long run, cultivating your field in this area of sensitivity will be very useful. If one day you are blessed with children, there will be times when they cannot yet speak or understand what you are saying. Sensitivity to see the needs of your children and spouse beyond what they are able to say will greatly affect the dynamics of your household. 

Area 4: Listening

Do you really hear what other people are saying to you? What is meant here is not merely hearing facts (hearing), where you are busy preparing answers or replies for the other person. Nor is it listening lazily or halfheartedly. Or only wanting to listen if the topic is interesting to you. Truly listening (listening) means making an effort to understand, as an expression of your love for that person. 

I am one of those people who struggle to listen. I get bored easily when listening to long venting. If I am talking on the phone, I might be checking social media on my phone at the same time. There are times when I am not focused on the other person’s story and rush to offer solutions. In the end, I actually create new problems, because sometimes people do not need solutions, but simply want to be heard.

If today you are still not able to listen well to others, start practicing. This is an important and beneficial field for you to cultivate. By listening, you can absorb more information. You can love in the right way, give the right gift, or order a meal that suits your partner’s taste. 

My beloved brothers and sisters, remember this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and also slow to become angry. – James 1:19

If someone answers before listening, that is their folly and disgrace. – Proverbs 18:13

Let us look at four other areas you need to cultivate before entering a dating relationship on the next page. 

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