The Difficulty of Forgiving Those Closest to Us

Forgiving someone is not easy, especially when the one who hurts us is someone closest to us, such as a parent, spouse, sibling, or dear friend.

In general, Christians understand that forgiving is the Lord's command. We must forgive others because this is closely related to salvation. The question is, can we forgive while our hearts still hold anger, hatred, and resentment?

These are five important steps we need to take so that we can forgive others. Forgiveness is a process, so apply these steps gradually, over and over again, according to the time you need.

1. No Human Being Is Perfect

When we hate someone, we tend to have a negative perspective toward that person. But we need to remember that no human being is perfect. All people sin and have weaknesses.

Surely there is no righteous person on earth who does good and never sins! – Ecclesiastes 7:20

I have an acquaintance who always feels smarter than everyone else. At first, I was reluctant to be friends with him because I thought he was arrogant. Later, I learned why he acted that way: he wanted to be accepted and seen well by others. Understanding this, together with trying to think positively, made it easier for me to forgive him and even build a friendship with him.

We may not commit the same mistakes as those who hurt us, but we too are sinful human beings. So, let us not compare the size of sins. It may sound unfair, but consider this: the Lord Jesus died for every kind of sin. He accepts us in all our imperfection. Therefore, we too should accept our fellow human beings in their imperfection.

2. Pray for the Person Who Hurt You

Praying for an enemy is a difficult challenge, but it can bring extraordinary benefits for your personal growth and inner healing. As you pray, you will be encouraged to let go of anger and hatred. Praying for the person who hurt you also makes you rely more on God's strength to shape your heart so that you are willing to forgive.

A brother once told me how he had been betrayed by his wife. Instead of demanding an apology, he first apologized for all the things he had done that had hurt his wife's heart. Then, as this brother faithfully prayed for his wife, his wounded heart slowly began to heal.

But I say to you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. – Matthew 5:44

3. Leave Judgment to God

I once had a disagreement with a friend in a group chat, and in the end I chose to give in. Even though outwardly it looked that way, in my heart I was actually upset and wanted revenge. I deliberately stopped commenting in the group and delayed replying to his messages. If he sent a message today, I would only answer the next day.

Until one day, I read this verse:

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written: Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord. – Romans 12:19

God's Word rebuked me so that I would not be trapped in hatred and resentment. In the end, I decided to meet with my friend, and we were able to resolve the conflict after talking through our problem carefully.

When we are hurt, we tend to want revenge. Yes, you may deserve to repay that hurt, but you must commit not to do it. Revenge fully belongs to God. Choosing to leave judgment to God shows that we honor His highest authority.

4. Repay Evil with Good

After leaving judgment to God, you need to rebuild communication with the person who hurt you. This is difficult, and at this stage, you need God's help. You need to fill yourself with the love of Jesus.

After resolving the dispute with my friend, I took the initiative to act. I began greeting him first and responding to conversations in a positive and constructive way. As a result, our restored friendship became stronger than before because the conflict made us know each other better.

… do not repay evil for evil or insult for insult, but on the contrary, bless, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. – 1 Peter 3:9

5. Focus on God's Plan

Painful events are usually hard to forget, especially if they happen to us repeatedly. Indeed, we may not be able to forget them completely, but we can try not to keep recalling them all the time. Continually focusing on the person who hurt you will keep you from moving forward.

To be able to move forward, you need to return your focus to God's plan.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider that I have already taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining toward what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize of God's heavenly call in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:13-14

An acquaintance of mine had a bitter past with his father. He became a Christian after his father died. Even though he had forgiven his father, his emotional condition had not yet recovered. The trauma of the past made it hard for this brother to have a close relationship with his children. However, with the help of another brother in the community who became a father figure to him, he succeeded in laying aside every burden that hindered the healing of his inner life.

Have you forgiven but still find it hard to move on? Perhaps you want to talk with the person who hurt you, but that person has moved away to who knows where or has passed away. If so, you need to come to someone who can help you. Or, if you believe our community can help, you can contact us through the contact information below this article.

Forgiving the person who hurt us is possible. Begin your steps by making the decision to have a heart willing to forgive. Then, practice the five steps of forgiveness above. May God increase your faith so that you are able to forgive others.

Bear with one another and forgive one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must do. – Colossians 3:13 - Church GKDI is currently in 35 cities. We have Bible Study activities in every area. If you need information or would like to get involved, contact us at Church GKDI Official: WhatsApp 0821 2285 8686 or Facebook / Instagram GKDI Official

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