Strengthening Your Spouse When They Experience Failure

How does a person feel when they experience failure? Sad, angry, ashamed, discouraged, disappointed, perhaps those are some of the things someone often feels when they experience failure. Now, what if it is our spouse who experiences failure? The effects do not stop with that person alone; the people around them will certainly feel the impact. Even so, there is absolutely no intention in a person’s heart to hurt or bring a negative effect on those closest to them. As a spouse, what does the Bible say we can do?

1. Comfort Their Heart

Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba. He went to her and lay with her, and she bore a son, and David named him Solomon. The LORD loved this child 12:25 and through the prophet Nathan He sent word that the child should be named Jedidiah, because of the LORD. (2 Samuel 12:24)

The child born from David and Bathsheba’s adultery was destined to die (2 Samuel 12:14). That was the consequence of the sin they had committed, and now they had to bear it. Imagine how Bathsheba felt as a mother. As a tenderhearted and loving man, David also felt very sorrowful. He loved the child deeply. David had fasted and wept so that God would have mercy on him. Yet the child still died.

Yet in his grief David did not sink into sorrow. He comforted Bathsheba’s heart, strengthened her feelings, and directed her heart to God. Seeing the attitude of David and Bathsheba, God was pleased to give them another child. Bathsheba conceived and gave birth to a son who was named Solomon. Imagine what would have happened if both of them had continued grieving over that failure. What would have happened if David had not wanted to comfort his wife? What would their lives have been like if they had kept drowning in sorrow?

Sometimes, we may be tempted to say words that we know will not comfort our spouse’s heart. We may be tempted to join in regretting their failure, their mistake, lecturing them, belittling them, or even giving them the silent treatment. Not infrequently we hear of someone leaving their spouse in a time of failure. Perhaps we suffer loss and have to make sacrifices so that we feel what happened is unfair to us. But that is not what will help our spouse rise again. When we strengthen their heart, our own heart will also be strengthened. When God sees our humility, He will give what is good for us.

2. Giving Trust

Jesus said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me?" Peter was grieved because Jesus said to him the third time, "Do you love Me?" And he said to Him, "Lord, You know all things, You know that I love You." Jesus said to him, "Feed My sheep. (John 21:17).

When Jesus and His disciples were eating together on the night before Jesus was crucified, Peter said that he would lay down his life for Jesus (John 13:37). In reality, when Jesus was arrested and went through the “trial,” Peter merely followed Jesus and watched from outside near the door. There Peter even denied Jesus three times.

When he realized what he had done, how broken Peter’s heart was (Luke 22:62). What Jesus had once said was proven true. He went outside and wept bitterly. Yet, knowing that this would happen, why did Jesus instead entrust Peter to shepherd His sheep? Jesus had a thousand reasons to lose trust in Peter, but He did exactly the opposite. After His death and His disciples were scattered, Peter returned to his old work as a fisherman. Yet Jesus did not lose hope in Peter. On one occasion together, as they were sitting by the lakeshore after His resurrection, Jesus deliberately asked Peter the same question three times. When a spouse experiences failure, not infrequently our first reaction is to lose trust. Perhaps we doubt their ability, their sincerity, or their effort. Perhaps our spouse also doubts themselves and loses confidence. But, as with Jesus toward Peter, it was not doubt that enabled Peter to rise and become one of the most important figures in spreading the gospel of Christ. It was Jesus’ trust that gave Peter assurance in his heart. Jesus showed that He loved him, that Peter was precious, and that his role was very important in continuing His work.

“A friend loves at all times, and becomes a brother in adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17) What do we need most when we experience failure? Is it not a friend? Then who will be our spouse’s best friend if not we ourselves? Whether our spouse experiences failure in work, in raising children, in finances, or in relationships, be a friend to them. A friend who is grieving needs someone who empathizes with their condition, who weeps with them, or simply sits in silence beside them when we do not know what to say.

Learning from Jesus, never give up and never lose trust in our spouse. Believe that they will rise from failure and make a better effort. Failure is the best teacher if we are willing to learn to respond to it as God desires.

* Church GKDI is currently present in 35 cities. We have Bible Study activities in every area; if you need information or would like to get involved, contact us at contact Church GKDI Official: WhatsApp 0821 2285 8686 or Facebook / Instagram GKDI Official

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