Silent-Killer Characters: 5 Traits That Kill Us Slowly

What comes to mind when you hear “silent-killer character?” A character trait that becomes a hidden killer? What does that look like?

When we allow a bad habit, it does not take long to feel the consequences. For example, being undisciplined. Be late to the office just once, and of course you will be reprimanded. Be late again, and you may receive a warning letter. The same goes for habits like cheating, lying, stealing, or being easily provoked emotionally. Those things can be seen and pointed out, and their effects are felt immediately.

But did you know, there are subtle character traits that can kill us little by little? The effects may not be visible now, but they are carrying you away, and without realizing it, killing you softly.

Get to Know 5 Hidden Killer Traits

Are there one or several silent-killer characters that we have been nurturing without realizing it?

1. Conflict Avoidant

“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God, so that no bitter root may grow up to cause trouble and defile many.” – Hebrews 12:15

The book of Hebrews reminds us not to keep a bitter root. Roots do not grow overnight. Bitterness does not grow in an instant. A bitter root begins with problems that are never resolved, so that over time hatred, resentment, and bitterness build up within us.

For example, I once met a married couple who always spoke negatively about each other. Both of them could clearly remember each other’s mistakes, even things that happened twenty years ago. When they argued, all those mistakes would be brought up and made into an issue again.

This is what is called a bitter root. Bitterness that has taken root so deeply that it triggers hatred every time you have to deal with a certain person. Why can this happen? Because we never resolve the problem and always avoid the real conflict. In the example above, neither the husband nor the wife wanted to apologize first or try to find a way to repair their relationship.

Is there someone you think of when you read this? Never mind meeting face to face, just hearing their name or merely imagining their face already makes you upset. That means you have a bitter root toward them. Conflict avoidance is dangerous. It may be that the number of people you hate keeps increasing year after year because you are used to not resolving matters.

Whether you are the one being upset or the one upsetting someone else, try taking the initiative to settle the matter between you. Taking the lead in finding a solution does not mean you lose or suffer a loss, but that you are helping yourself. As the problem is resolved, your relationship will recover, and your life will certainly feel lighter and happier.

2. People-Pleasing 

A people-pleaser likes to do things to make others happy, even though they actually do not agree with or feel comfortable with those things.

Here are some signs of a people-pleaser (but not limited to):

• Always says “yes” (yes-man attitude) They do not dare to refuse or say no.
• Gives praise, but not sincerely They do it so that others will like them.
• Lives to meet other people’s expectations They always do what is expected of them, whether out of reluctance to disappoint others, indecisiveness, or fear of certain people.

The character of people-pleasing makes a person emotionally unhealthy. On the outside, they may look happy and fine, but in reality people-pleaser are under great pressure. They care too much about other people’s reactions, whether to avoid conflict, negative responses, or to gain praise. And sooner or later, they will grow tired of this performance.

So, what is the solution?

“So now, am I seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” – Galatians 1:10

“On the contrary, since God has found us worthy to entrust the gospel to us, that is why we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.” – 1 Thessalonians 2:4

We cannot serve God and Mammon (Luke 16:13). In other words, it is impossible to please God and people at the same time. This does not mean we may not make others happy, but put first what is pleasing to God. Be a God-Pleaser. Delight the Lord’s heart, for He is the One worthy to be praised and worshiped.

We may think that pleasing people means we love them. But acting out of love is not the same as people-pleasing. How much better it is if we do something for others because we truly care for them and are sincere toward them.

3. Not Being Real 

A person who is not real usually shows or says things that do not match what is in their heart. They are not being themselves.

Here are the traits of someone who is not real:

• Excessively reluctant Example: saying they do not want to eat because they are already full, when actually they are hungry.
• Wants to look good in other people’s eyes Example: saying they are doing fine, when things are actually bad.
• Not open Example: not lying, but also not being open about their condition.

Both the character of people-pleasing and not being real have a number of similarities. Both are reluctant to disappoint others and do not act according to their conscience. The difference is, people-pleasing often comes from an obsession with other people’s opinions, while not being real is closely tied to pride and self-acceptance. These two traits sometimes overlap and grow together.

Are you too proud to admit your condition? That you are tired, need help, or are not as strong as other people think? Do you not accept yourself as you are, afraid of being disliked or looked down on, so you choose to present a self that is not really you?

Not being real is like wearing a joker mask that is always smiling, while secretly you are suffering because you are living in falsehood. The contents of your soul’s closet keep piling up, and one day, it will no longer be able to hold it all, so everything spills out. In the end, that messy closet still has to be cleaned up, doesn’t it?

“Let your ‘Yes’ be yes, and your ‘No,’ no. Anything more than this comes from the evil one.” – Matthew 5:37

We do not have to tell other people everything, but when what we do begins to lead toward lies and pride, that is where sin is waiting.

To get rid of this character trait, apply a combination of the solutions for Conflict-Avoidant and People-Pleasing. Also, pray for humility and love. Love for yourself. Forgive your mistakes in the past. Also forgive conditions and situations that do not match your ideals, that do not look good in other people’s eyes. Above all, remember that God expects us to be honest in everything.

4. Wrong Motives 

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. For God does not see as man sees; man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7

You may be able to deceive people by doing things that “look good.” But believe this, you cannot deceive God. He knows what is in your heart.

If you say, “Surely we did not know this!” does not He who weighs the heart know it? Does not He who watches over your soul know it, and repay each person according to what they have done? – Proverbs 24:12

“… and because no one needed to testify to Him about man, for He Himself knew what was in man’s heart. – John 2:25

Why was God more pleased with Abel’s offering than Cain’s (Genesis 4:3-4)? Or with the offering of the poor widow rather than the rich (Luke 21:1-4)? Because they gave with all their heart, not with wrong motives, such as wanting to be seen by others, wanting to be thought of as good, and so on.

Do everything with the right motive. Do not have hidden agendas. God does not like this kind of character and strongly rebukes people who act this way. He cares more about our hearts than what appears on the outside. Besides that, it is not impossible that one day other people will sense your bad motives and no longer trust you.

5. Passionless 

Passionless means doing something without heart, desire, or enthusiasm. In terms of quality, the result may be the same, perhaps even better than work done with heart. But this is dangerous because we ignore our mental state while doing it.

One sign of a passionless person is that they live by a to-do list. Whether intentionally or not, we do not care about our feelings when doing something. Everything is just a task. What matters is that it gets done; feelings can wait. Passionless people absolutely love crossing things off their to-do list.

But dealing with other people is not as simple as ticking off a list. Imagine if the Lord Jesus did everything without heart. As long as the sick were healed, it would not matter whether their hearts were whole or not. Imagine if a mother only demanded good academic grades, but did not provide the heart and the ears to listen to her child’s struggles at school.

Doing something without heart can have fatal consequences for the soul. You become unhappy and do not enjoy life. Then, one day, you will grow weary, even emotionally “sick,” so that you have no interest in doing anything. “Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, as for the Lord and not for men.” – Colossians 3:23 Indeed, sometimes we do not have many choices. You need to do things you do not like. But while you are looking for a solution, you can choose to love what you do, and do what you love. Love what you do, and do what you love. Do it for the Lord, and do your best.

If you find one or more of the hidden killer traits above, resolve them quickly. Even if right now you feel fine, the impact you will suffer is only a matter of time. Kill that bad character before it kills you.

* Church GKDI is currently present in 35 cities. We have Bible Study activities in every area. If you need information or would like to get involved, contact us at Church GKDI Official: WhatsApp 0821 2285 8686 or Facebook / Instagram GKDI Official

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