Infatuation vs Love Connection

"Falling in love" or in other terms what is called infatuation (being smitten) indeed usually comes suddenly. We all love stories of true love (true love), but does true love just happen? Do not equate the love stories in movies with the reality of everyday life, because if you do, the most likely thing you will find is disappointment. Then, what is the reality that usually happens in relationships between men and women? The stages of that relationship can be divided into two, namely infatuation and love connection.

Infatuation 

Infatuation (being smitten) appears in the early stage of a relationship and takes the form of a "passionate love." When two people are infatuated, they become the center of each other's world. You make all kinds of plans for them, and when you think about them, all your problems seem to disappear. To you, this is the one, and you are convinced that there is no one else meant for you. Although it feels beautiful, research shows that infatuation only lasts for a while. According to Dr. Elaine Hatfield, a psychology professor at the University of Hawaii and former president of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex, the infatuation phase only lasts a few years, then declines over time.

But think about this. Do you really want to remain in the infatuation phase forever? The mood of infatuated people often depends on how their lover feels about them. One minute they are floating on air, and the next they can feel sad. Infatuated people often become possessive, and their concentration is very easily distracted. Imagine what would happen to your performance at work year after year if you remained in this phase. Also imagine how you could raise children. Even in the Bible, Moses took this into account:

If a man has recently taken a wife, he must not go out with the army to war or be assigned any duty; for one year he shall be free for his household and bring happiness to the woman he has taken as his wife. (Deuteronomy 24:5)

Leaving the infatuation phase is normal. It has to happen. God designed us and He knows what He is doing - He expects us to move on to the next phase, namely Love Connection. Infatuation is not a rational place to live in, but do not forget the memories that will be created in abundance from this phase. These memories are what will make our relationship endure after facing major arguments, conflicts, differences of opinion, and more.

Love Connection

Love Connection - Dr. Hatfield calls this phase "companionate love" and describes it as "the affection we feel for the person with whom our lives are deeply entwined." God Himself has shown the way in Ephesians 5 for the relationship between husband and wife to grow in this phase. In fact, love connection is one of the ways the very beautiful meaning of Love in 1 Corinthians 13 can be realized, because it is not based only on the value of the receiver, but also on the character of the giver.

Whatever the name, experts agree that this is the form of love based on commitment that will last forever. The difference between infatuation and love connection lies in the area related to effort. When we are in the infatuation phase, dopamine and other chemicals will put us on auto-pilot.

It takes only a little self-denial to change our behavior and make our partner happy. We do not need to be reminded to plan a special date with our beloved, bring the things they need, give a special gift that we know they will definitely like, and so on. Everything runs automatically and small acts of kindness simply flow. So, it is feelings and emotions that influence and change our attitudes as well as our behavior.

Whereas, in the phase of love connection we are no longer in an auto-pilot situation but rather in "manual mode." The pattern at work is the reverse of infatuation. Feelings will only arise when our behavior and actions are right. The analogy for this phase is a fire in a fireplace; we must add firewood consistently so that the fire keeps burning.

Maintaining Love

This is the phase that requires effort so that the fire of love can be maintained, otherwise it will slowly die out. We must make efforts that will influence our attitudes. When we do not make an effort, our attitude toward our partner will become worse and worse, and eventually there will no longer be any feeling of love. A phase like this is called mutual affection - the commitment is still there, but the connection between you and your partner has been lost. The fire of your love is no longer strong, and this is the time for you to seek help for your marriage.

So, what phase is your marriage relationship in right now?

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