Beware of the Little Things That Damage Friendship

Friendship is a precious relationship built over time and through effort from both sides. On the other hand, it does not take long to destroy a friendship. Just one or two small incidents that seem trivial can suddenly make your close relationship with your best friend feel distant.

In reality, friendship is not always ruined by big things. There are small things that can have fatal consequences for a friendship. What causes friendship to break down, and how can we avoid it? 

3 Things That Make Friendship Grow Distant

1. Borrowing Without Returning

“Whoever is faithful in very little is also faithful in much. And whoever is dishonest in very little is also dishonest in much. So if you have not been faithful in unrighteous Mammon, who will entrust to you the true riches?” – Luke 16:10-11 

If you need to borrow something, whether money or an item, of course your friend will likely be willing to lend it to you. However, often your friend may feel awkward asking for it back, especially if the amount of money borrowed is not very much. So no matter how small the amount of money or item you borrow, do not forget to return it on time or as soon as possible. 

Be faithful in small things, and in time both God and people will entrust you with greater things. If in small matters such as promises or even a debt of only a few tens of thousands you neglect to repay, people will be reluctant to befriend you, work with you, let alone do business with you. 

Borrowing without returning it may seem trivial, but it can become a time bomb that destroys friendship. If you keep repeating it, you will not only lose friends, but also something even more valuable: other people's trust in you. 

The wicked borrows and does not repay, but the righteous is gracious and generous. – Psalm 37:21

2. Only Looking for Friends When You Need Something

How would you feel if your friend only looked for you when they needed something? Very likely you would feel sad or disappointed because you would feel used. But what about you? Are you the kind of person who looks for friends only when you want something?

If you have this kind of character, be careful; the friendship you worked so hard to build can be damaged in an instant. Do not be surprised if your friends choose to leave you because they feel that you like taking advantage of them. 

Jesus answered them: “Truly, truly, I say to you, you are looking for Me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate the bread and were filled.” – John 6:26  

Jesus rebuked the people who came to Him only because they wanted free bread (after they saw the miracle of the five loaves and two fish). He does not like it when people come to Him only when they need something, rather than sincerely wanting to build a relationship with Him. The same is true of your friend, who will surely be disappointed if you only come to them because you want to get something from them. 

Be a sincere friend, and do not look for your friends only when you need something. Ask how they are from time to time, give support and encouragement, and make time to stay in touch regularly. Then your friendship will remain warm and strong even as the years go by.

3. Solving Problems the Wrong Way

The closer your relationship is with someone, the greater the possibility of friction or conflict. When this happens, sometimes we do not resolve the problem properly, or worse, we do not resolve it at all because it feels “awkward.” Ironically, the unwillingness to settle conflict completely can actually destroy a friendship.

Resolving problems is a must if you want to maintain a friendship, and how you resolve them is just as important. If the method is wrong, not in line with God's way, the relationship can be in danger of falling apart. For example, in this fast-paced age, we are often tempted to solve problems quickly as well. One way is through chatting apps. This can create a new problem: misunderstandings and the impression that you are trivializing the issue.

I personally once made this mistake—settling conflict through chatting apps. The reason was simple: it felt complicated and like a waste of time to meet a friend just to say something simple. So I expressed my frustrations to them through text messages. I hoped the problem would be resolved that very day. Instead, the atmosphere became even more heated, and we ended up hurting each other. 

The style of chatting tends to be ambiguous, so a message can be interpreted differently from what the sender intended. For example, try reading this sentence: “Where are you???” This sentence can be read in a normal tone, but it can also sound angry, as if the sender is impatient from waiting.

Maybe this seems far too trivial to damage a friendship. However, if this keeps happening, the hurt will pile up and lost trust will be hard to regain. 

“If your brother sins, rebuke him in private. If he listens to your counsel, you have won him back.” – Matthew 18:15 

Be wise and resolve problems the right way. Use chatting apps according to their function, which is for conversation, not for solving problems. If you have a problem with your friend, set a time to meet and express your feelings kindly. Resolve your problem in the way written in the verse above. 

In fact, there are many other factors that can damage friendship, including: 

• selfishness (always wanting to win), 
• liking to lie, 
• not checking in on each other, 
• gossiping about your own friend, 
• forgetting old friends when there are new friends (or a new boyfriend/girlfriend), 
• always being late for appointments. 

Besides avoiding the mistakes above, what can we do to strengthen friendship? 

The Key to Lasting Friendship

The Bible has already written down an important principle for maintaining friendship in a brief, concise, and clear way. Whatever you do as a friend, use this principle as your guide: 

“And the second is like it: Love your neighbor  as yourself.” – Matthew 22:39

“And just as you want people to do to you, do the same to them.” – Luke 6:31 

In other words, for your friendship to remain lasting and strong, love your friend as yourself and treat them the way you want to be treated. 

Be alert to seemingly small mistakes that risk damaging your friendship, such as borrowing without returning, only looking for friends when you need something, and resolving problems instantly. Instead, let us build good habits in friendship according to God's Word. May God bless your friendship!

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