Keys to Building Close Communication with Your Parents

One requirement for building a good relationship is good communication. In general, every child loves their parents and wants to have a close relationship with them. Yet that does not mean every child knows the important elements of good communication.

These communication barriers are often experienced by adult children with elderly parents. What things hinder communication between children and parents, and how can they be overcome?

Recognize Three Communication Problems

My beloved brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, but slow to speak, and also slow to become angry. – James 1:19

Basically, there are three main problems in communication between adult children and elderly parents:

1. Slow to Listen

Often, grown children feel they no longer need their parents' advice. We assume what they say is no longer relevant to our lives. We are already able to form our own opinions and do not simply accept input without thinking. In other words, we are no longer as flexible as children in receiving advice because there are a number of filters, namely our personal perceptions, knowledge, and life experience.

Do you often dismiss the topics your parents talk about? When your father or mother wants to pour out their feelings or tell you about something they experienced, do you consider it unimportant and feel too lazy to listen to the end? Or do you feel your parents' advice no longer suits someone your age?

When he became king, Rehoboam ignored the advice of the elders who had served his father, Solomon. He chose to follow the advice of those his own age. As a result, the people rebelled and the kingdom of Israel was split in two (1 Kings 12:1-19).

My point here is not that we should not follow the advice of younger people, but that we should not belittle the advice of parents.

The solution to this problem is actually simple: learn to be quick to listen. In other words, listen to what your parents say from beginning to end. Pay attention to their tone of voice and body language. Are they anxious, happy, sad, upset, or afraid?

When talking, try to sit facing each other. You can make dinner a special moment to talk with your parents. Maintain eye contact and avoid talking while doing other activities, such as typing on your phone or playing games. If you yourself want to be listened to with full attention, why not treat your parents the same way?

2. Quick to Speak

What quick to speak means here is that when parents are saying something, we interrupt with a negative response.

Do you often give sharp responses in the middle of a conversation so that your parents immediately end the discussion? For example, you have only heard part of their story, but you immediately draw conclusions and blame your parents.

Most people do not like being interrupted. You may get annoyed when a television program or streaming video you are watching at its most exciting moment is cut off by commercials. That is what parents feel when you cut them off while they are speaking.

The solution is in the verse above: be slow to speak. Listen carefully before responding. Do not be quick to respond until you know the full picture they want to convey. If possible, find a special time or room so that your conversation with your parents can be more relaxed.

3. Quick to Anger

Do you get angry when your parents ask the same thing over and over again? Yet they do that because they forget or cannot hear clearly. Elderly people usually experience a decline in physical ability and psychological responsiveness. For example, their ability to hear and remember is no longer as sharp as it once was. Their feelings or emotional condition also tend to be more sensitive than those of younger people.

I used to tend to raise my tone of voice when my mother asked me to repeat what I had already said more than twice. When I realized that Mother's hearing was no longer as good as it used to be, I learned to prepare myself with patience before starting a conversation.

Remember that your father and mother's physical condition is no longer as strong as it once was. Remember too that you will not stay young forever. How would you feel if you were shouted at because of physical limitations beyond your control?

The solution to this problem is to be slow to anger. Be patient in listening and speaking. If necessary, find a quiet place to talk. Discuss one topic at a time, and do not change the topic suddenly. When you were little and knew nothing, did your parents not guide you to learn slowly and step by step?

If all this time you have found it difficult to communicate with your parents, try applying quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Parents will feel loved, accepted, and understood. When they know you truly listen to and understand them, your father and mother will be more at peace and happier. However difficult it may be, it is worth striving for because that is what God wants from us.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother--this is an important commandment, as is evident from this promise: that it may go well with you and that you may live long on the earth. – Ephesians 6:1-3 - Church GKDI is currently in 35 cities. We have Bible Study activities in every area. If you need information or would like to get involved, contact us at contact Church GKDI Official: WhatsApp 0821 2285 8686 or Facebook / Instagram GKDI Official

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