Growing in Balance as an Introvert

You may have heard the term introvert (introvert) and extrovert (extrovert). Both personality types have their own strengths and weaknesses, which enrich the dynamics of our lives. Introversion and extroversion are a spectrum. That means everyone has both an introverted and an extroverted side, only the dominant side differs from person to person.

Those who are introverted tend to be reserved, enjoy solitude, reflective, have good analytical ability, and prefer a calm atmosphere. They gain energy when alone, and they also think a lot before speaking. Introverted people are more comfortable socializing with only a few people, but that does not mean they are reluctant to interact socially.

By contrast, extroverts are usually more talkative, open, inclined to be blunt, sociable, spontaneous, seemingly firm, enthusiastic, and impulsive. They do not like being alone and gain energy from socializing.

There are times when an introvert wants to balance the poles of their personality more toward the extroverted side. This does not mean you are ashamed of your personality, but that you want to keep growing in other areas. How can you achieve this?

Stepping Out of the Comfort Zone

As someone who is basically introverted, I find it hard to leave my comfort zone. I do not easily become close to people, and I am more comfortable being around people I already know well. I am not interested in group activities or facing large crowds. Interaction one on one is my strength.

While studying the Bible, I was challenged to build fellowship (fellowship) with people I had just met at every worship service. This challenge made me feel burdened. Yet by staying in my comfort zone, it turned out I was not happier. 

Deep down, I wanted to enjoy fellowship with brothers and sisters in the faith. Sharing jokes and laughter, caring for and looking out for one another. Yet what I did was the opposite. I was awkward, stiff, and silent. I only came to the service, listened to the sermon, and then went home.

For I do not do the good that I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. – Romans 7:19-20 

Usually there is a motivation behind this kind of reluctance. For example, fear of being judged badly, feeling inferior, and so on. Let us examine our motives. Are they rooted in pride, for instance being afraid of not looking good? Are there other obstacles such as trauma, difficulty speaking, or something that needs serious attention?

When you know pride is not good, yet you still do it, you are being driven by sin. But if your obstacle is a psychological issue, do not blame yourself or just leave it alone. Try to seek help from a professional or from someone you can trust.

Realizing the above, I also learned to step out of my comfort zone. I paid more attention to others, got involved in interactions, and encouraged brothers / sisters who were feeling troubled. Seeing others become happy again made me happy too. Since then, I have no longer been afraid to reach out to people, and I enjoy fellowship more. 

Learning to Be More Open

I used to dislike speaking in front of many people. I was afraid people would not listen to me. Afraid of what they would think when I was open about my thoughts or what was in my heart. Whatever our reasons for being closed off, it does not feel good.

One time when I went with the mission team to Pontianak, the sisters’ leader gave me a short message: “Be open.” Be open. 

I reflected on why she had said that. Even though I gladly joined the evangelistic mission, with my closed-off attitude, how could I possibly be effective in God’s work? 

What I tell you in the dark, say in the light; and what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the housetops. – Matthew 10:27

Jesus taught His disciples to speak openly about what they heard from Him. What was heard in the dark, what was whispered, had to be spoken in the light. In other words, there should be nothing we hide. Jesus wanted His disciples not to remain silent.

It needs to be understood that being introverted is not the same as having low self-esteem. Extroverts can also feel insecure and seek validation in different ways. And “being good at speaking” is not the same as speaking enthusiastically without substance. Being an introvert does not mean you are not good at speaking; it simply means you have many considerations before communicating something.

In mission work, I had to guide people to know the word of God. Like it or not, I had to speak and be open. Yet that did not mean I could suddenly speak at length spontaneously. So, I first wrote down what I wanted to say. The result turned out to exceed my expectations. The person I shared the gospel with was moved in heart and received Jesus. 

When I tried to be open, I felt many benefits. I could learn other people’s perspectives. My thinking was no longer narrow, because I received much input that was beneficial for my spiritual growth. Now I am used to speaking in the middle of a group. In fact, I enjoy times of conversation, especially about the word of God. If I can do it, you certainly can too!

It Is More Blessed to Give Than to Receive

“In everything I have shown you by example that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, for He Himself said: It is more blessed to give than to receive.”  – Acts 20:35

A person with an introverted personality tends to be passive, rarely taking the initiative to start something. They become an observer and receive whatever the situation throws at them. As a result, they tend to become critical when what other people do does not meet their expectations.

One time, I practiced this verse to prove its truth. I made time to meet many people and the sisters. When helping in the struggles of those who were weak, leading those who were beginning to go astray, and loving people who were hard to love, I realized one thing: I had many things to give. And it felt more joyful than just sitting and receiving.

Start giving through simple steps, for example greeting people first when you pass by them, or offering help / advice. If you like being noticed or greeted, others do too. Surely, their happiness will encourage you to take bigger steps.

… and have put on the new self, which is being continually renewed in true knowledge according to the image of its Creator. – Colossians 3:10 

Do not limit your growth with personality labels. Remember, introversion and extroversion are a spectrum that can shift. Your fear of people’s judgments, of being more open and giving more, is not comparable to the happiness you feel when you succeed in becoming a better and more balanced person. Give it a try!

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