2 Simple, Effective Ways to Respond to Misunderstandings

Our attitude in responding to misunderstandings is something important to cultivate in the life of a believer. In daily life, there are times when other people misunderstand us. When our words, actions, or motives are misinterpreted, of course it does not feel good. We may feel misunderstood, or feel judged one-sidedly.

On the other hand, when we are hurt or offended by someone's words or attitude, we may tend to build assumptions, and even quickly judge that person:

“Could it be that they have something against me?” 

“They don’t appreciate me.”

“They really have no feelings.”

“They can’t control their mouth!”

Clearly, in interacting and communicating with others, we will not be free from misunderstandings. So, how do we resolve misunderstandings according to God’s Word? What attitudes do we need to have when this happens? Let us learn from these two stories in the Bible.

Hannah vs Eli the Priest

As the woman kept on praying before the LORD, Eli watched her mouth; and because Hannah was speaking in her heart and only her lips were moving, but her voice could not be heard, Eli thought the woman was drunk. – 1 Samuel 1:12 

How do you feel when other people respond negatively to a good thing you are doing? Hannah understood how that felt. The woman was deeply troubled because she had still not been blessed with a child. Because of that, Hannah came to the house of God to pour out her complaint to God, her sorrow, and her request. Yet Eli the priest, who was serving there at the time, thought Hannah was drunk with wine! 

Human beings are not free from misunderstandings. Even a high priest like Eli could misunderstand.

Then how did Hannah respond?

Then Eli said to her, “How long will you go on acting like a drunken woman? Put away your drunkenness from you.” But Hannah answered, "No, my lord, I am a woman deeply troubled; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have poured out my soul before the LORD.  Do not regard your servant as a wicked woman; for out of my great anxiety and grief I have been speaking all this time.” – 1 Samuel 1:14-16 

Hannah did not immediately become angry or lash out because she felt falsely accused of being drunk. Instead, she explained the true situation to Eli the priest with humility and respect.

How do you respond when other people misinterpret your words or actions? Do you become furious, refuse to accept being treated unfairly, feel entitled to defend yourself, and set the record straight with blazing emotion?

Sometimes, we only need to explain our situation kindly so that others understand what actually happened. An emotional response will not solve the problem or give you a peaceful heart, but instead has the potential to create new problems.

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord! Always be ready at all times to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and respect. – 1 Peter 3:15

David vs Saul

Saul was the king of Israel chosen by God. However, because of his disobedience, God eventually rejected Saul and chose David as king. Even so, David continued to serve Saul. When David returned from fighting the Philistines, the women from all over Israel came out to meet them with responsive singing, “Saul has struck down his thousands, but David his tens of thousands.”

Hearing that song, this was Saul’s attitude:

Then Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him. He said, "They have credited David with tens of thousands, but me with only thousands; what more can he have but the kingdom?" From that day on Saul was always jealous of David. – 1 Samuel 18:8-9 

Saul began to act negatively toward David, even intending to kill him, not just once, but many times! 

How did David respond to that?

Know this, on this day your own eyes have seen that the LORD gave you today into my hand in the cave; there were those who told me to kill you, but I spared you because I thought: I will not lay my hand on my lord, for he is the LORD’s anointed. – 1 Samuel 24:10 

Personally, I mind being hated less than being misunderstood. When this happens, I feel the need to immediately clarify the mistaken views people have about me. As time has gone by, I have come to understand that I can never control other people’s responses to me. What matters more is how I respond to that misunderstanding.

When I read this story and see how David responded to Saul, my heart feels rebuked. David did not defend himself desperately to prove that he was sincere and had no intention of bringing Saul down. What he did was show or prove that he was not as Saul thought.

Attitudes in Facing Misunderstandings

So, you do not need to feel hurt or disappointed when people misunderstand you, or even do evil against you. Prove through your actions that their view is not true / mistaken through what you do. Do not repay evil with evil. 

Do not repay evil for evil; do what is good in the sight of everyone! – Romans 12:17 

Besides that, when we know that someone has misunderstood us or has heard untrue information about us from someone else, we need to take the initiative to begin correcting that misunderstanding. Do not let this misunderstanding drag on, because it can affect many things, both our emotions and our spiritual life.

Misunderstandings are a normal thing, so do not take them too much to heart. As long as your intentions are good and your motives are sincere, why should you be angry when people judge you wrongly? If you do need to respond, these are the two right attitudes God wants from us:

1. Explain the true situation kindly, with respect, and without being emotional.
2. Show through your actions that they have judged you wrongly.
3. Take the initiative to clear up the misunderstanding and pursue peace between you.

Give it a try! God bless!

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